A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six kilometres; the next day three kilometres; the following day less than a kilometre.
When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied: “I just can’t do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can”.
A preacher dies and when he gets to heaven he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel: “I don’t get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation”.
The angel says: “We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?”
The preacher says: “Once in a while someone fell asleep”.
The angel says: “Right. And when people rode in this guy’s taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!”
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
“Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.
“You have to help me, I hurt all over”, said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor. “Be a little more specific.”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled: “Ow, that hurts”. Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled: “Ouch! That hurts, too”. Then she touched her right earlobe: “Ow, even that hurts”.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis: “You have a broken finger”.