Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.
As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Tell me, how much did it really cost?”
“All of it,” said Rose. “Fifty thousand.”
“No!” Sadie exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but really… $50,000?!”
Rose nodded. “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church for the priest’s services. The food and drinks were another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone.”
Sadie computed quickly. “$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is it?”
“Seven and a half carats.”
A woman called the police about a potential break in. When they arrived, the policeman was checking around the home for clues. As he entered the main bedroom, the policeman said to the lady of the house: “This is the messiest room I ever saw. You should have reported the robbery right away.”
The woman said: “I didn’t know it was a robbery. I thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt!”
A man was dragged to a concert by his wife. A half-hour after it began he felt an elbow nudge him in the side.
“What an outrage,” his wife murmured. “The person in front of us is asleep!”
Her husband replied: “You mean, you woke me up to tell me that?”