After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads: “I apologise for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for a concert tonight.”
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and returned home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from throughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading: “Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through school somehow, don’t I?”
A man asked his wife what she liked best about him.
“Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect? Maybe it’s my striking facial structure?”
She paused for a moment and patted him gently on the shoulder. “Your sense of humour, dear.”
A millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, and during the party he grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. “I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool.”
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can. The fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping but this guy just keeps on going while the sharks are gaining on him. Finally, the guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!
The millionaire grabs the mic and says: “I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?”
The guy grabs the mic and says: “Why don’t we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!”