Age, does it just get better like a fine wine?

Is it true that ageing people, both men and women often feel invisible and discounted? And is this especially true for women?

Well, at the age of 66, I have found it to be a feeling and a reality in my life. Not all the time but often.

Liz Byrski in her great essay on Women and Ageing ‘Getting On’ says:

“But ageing and old women are rarely the central characters in the products of popular culture. They appear in minor stereotypical and frequently negative roles. Nosey neighbours, interfering mothers-in-law, dippy old aunts, scheming bitches or frail old burdens who impede the lives and the desires of the really important characters, men, younger women and children”.

Does this perspective ring true?

Recent social research has declared that the peak ages for life satisfaction are at 23 and then again at age 69. So, if the above is true, can this also be true?

Do these two seemingly conflicting views both be accurate?

Well, Liz Byrski maintains that they can and I tend to agree. For me, I have found it shocking at times that some young people,  including my very own adult offspring seem to think that my opinions are of little value. That my experience of life doesn’t count for that much and that I will somehow “fade away” into a quiet lunch preparer. While they own the world, know best about most things and find it quite ok to “teach their grandmother to suck eggs.”

The opposite sex certainly does not look at my physical self with one iota of interest. Where a fellow traveller in a life might have smiled and flirted with me in days gone by, he is now likely to look as if he doesn’t see me at all. This is in case I offend his view of a sexy, attractive woman (for which read “young”).

Getting served sometimes takes longer and eyes at times do not even glance my way. This has all been surprising. On the other hand, I appreciate all the little things in life more. I appreciate being here every day, my ability to exercise, to read and write, to socialise, to love being alone, to be in nature and to adore my darling grandchildren more than I had ever realised would be possible.

Despite the aches and pains, the occasional stiffness and fatigue that stops me in my tracks at times, forcing me to read my book and nap! Life is richer, happier. My gratitude for the ordinary, everyday meals with my husband, a favourite program on TV, the fire burning in the cooler evenings, the sunshine coming out again, are much magnified from the times in previous decades when I was so busy looking around at what the world expected of me in my various roles. So, despite the many losses, there are also many gains.

What I don’t understand in today’s current political and social climate though is this. We all know the ageing population is increasing. But what do we do to cope with this? Where are the issues of ageing on our pre-election political agendas? Why is the Dept. of Ageing considered a junior ministry still? Where are the innovative ideas about the issues of ageing that are employed in some countries? Why are there masses of horror stories about the neglect and abuse of the elderly both in their families and in Nursing Homes and yet there is no public outcry.

Imagine if it were children being treated in these ways? Where is the reverence for age and wisdom that some countries enjoy? Where is even the basic respect for older people? Are we really seen as superfluous, taking the wealth and opportunities from the younger generation who just wish we would hurry up and scuffle off?

And most importantly, what do we older, wiser, still functioning, still thoughtful, still useful, still energetic women do about it? And men too of course, in no way do I leave them out, although I am inclined to think that the decline in physical attractiveness does not hit them quite as hard.

I did run a 6 week course for U3 A called Ageing Gratefully. This was well received and I did find that the 60s age bracket seemed to still contain a restlessness and desire to still be “out there” which gradually became a more peaceful self-dependence towards the 70s. Perhaps this explains the “peak” satisfaction at 69?

Does there need to be more advocacies by those of us who still have the energy and care deeply about the current and future care and lifestyle of the elderly? If so, let’s get together and make it happen.