The letter from a woman that every man over 60 should read

One of our SAS contributors has penned this letter to every man over-60. Dear men over the age of 60

One of our SAS contributors has penned this letter to every man over-60.

Dear men over the age of 60 throughout Australia and the rest of the world,

I am writing this to you with anger in my head and my heart. Last week I went on a blind date. It was the first time I had seen someone since my husband died seven years ago.

I’m a 62-year-old woman and a younger friend had set me up with a 63-year-old man. I went into the date feeling confident, albeit a little wary of what was going to unfold, but I hadn’t come close to anticipating what happened.

I was told straight out that he would never date me seriously. When I asked why, thinking it was some kind of joke, he looked at me straight in the eye and said, older women aren’t fun or tight enough… And he winked.

I stood up and walked straight out.

Why do older men believe that women of the same age aren’t worthy of them? Why do they believe that women in their 60s aren’t fun or “tight”? And more importantly, why haven’t they ever looked in a mirror?

Yesterday I read an article about the 60-year-old American Apparel underwear model, Jacky O’Shaughnessy. The beauty was picked up in New York and handed a modelling contract last year – the same year that her partner turned to her, told he she looks too old and said he’s embarrassed to be seen in public with her.

What is so wrong with women over 60?

We have wrinkles, so do you.

We have grey hair, so do you.

We have baggage, so do you.

We have children, so do you.

We’ve had careers, so have you.

We’ve had mortgages, so have you.

We’ve had ups and downs, so have you.

We’ve had family battles, so have you.

We want to spend time being happy, so do you.

We want to embrace our sexuality, so do you.

We want to experience companionship, so do you.

We want to make new friends, so do you.

You see I fail to see how we’re different. I can’t see why you seem to put yourselves above us and lump us in a “no good” category.

We don’t advertise for men with large pockets, fit bodies and dazzling smiles. We want friendship and fun – so why can’t we make it work together?

40 years ago you would have jumped at the opportunity to spend time together and make friendships or more, so what has changed?

It’s all well and good to want someone younger, prettier and fitter than the over 60 women, but you have to remember – you’re not necessarily young, fit and handsome either and expecting that while disregarding us is rude and absurd.

Although I didn’t have my heart broken, that blind date made me feel so much hurt that I was a write off from the outset.

To all men over the age of 60 throughout Australia and the rest of the world, if you’re going to label us, just remember that we and the younger generation, can do the same to you.


One over 60 woman

  1. Stephen  

    It is Christmas Day and I have just read your letter. I am 69, single, male and live alone with my dog. My life has been generally physically fit, but I presently have Legionaries Disease, so I am actively limited at this time, and will not be relatively healed till I am 70+.
    Yes I am still sexually interested, but not at the loss of dignity and mutual care, I honestly don’t see the point of sex for sex sake as it is so much better with mutually trusted companionship with someone of our own age and thus reciprocations.
    I spent a couple of years on web dating sites, and actually met a few our age women, but I discovered that the inherent expectations of meeting this way assume more in a relationship than the natural time of just getting to know each other entails.
    So I appreciate your anger and frustration, but I am here to say that not all our age males are stupid sex driven jerks; some of us are still reasonable human beings who seek someone to care and share our remaining lives with in mutual tenderness. Don’t give up, and just accept that there only needs to be one reasonable human being for you somewhere.

    • Such encourageing words never give up hope but also be happy to be alone with caring friends

      • Marian  

        What a stupid sad man there are lots of special people out there you just have to find them, wonderful men who love sex but not for sex alone women can be just as bad though. People over sixth are still lots of fun sometimes more fun than a younger person. Good luck in finding your perfect one but don’t expect a person the exact copy of your last husband

    • Cynthia Prentice  

      Hello, Thanks for your kindness and apparent understanding of the situation. But I have to say that I have had the same thing happen….and not just once. Yet I am considered to be an attractive woman….so where is the problem. Not many men past sixty pass the beauty test I’m afraid either. Whether they understand that or not leaves me bewildered……do they not look in the mirror? Has it ever occurred to these men that with age comes experience, perhaps a lot more fun than with a younger woman, who, honestly, just sees older men as a fat wallet. Perhaps some older men need to rake a good hard look at themselves, well at least as hard as they look at women the same age as them !!

    • Suzanne Mickleson  

      Well written from a decent person

    • Jeanette Crocker  

      Not only in Australia but here in South Africa a well, it seems to be a world wide problem. I am an active 68 yr old woman, (many people have told me that I love to be in my early fifties) I agree it is VERY difficult to find a partner at this age, Most men of our age seem to want someone in their early forties. I dont need someone to support me as I run my own small business. What I would like though is for a companion, someone to share the good times with. I have stopped looking and must say it is not so bad on your own, you can still lead a full life BUT it would be so much nicer to be able to share. Just maybe in the new year all who are reading this will find someone to share their life with.

  2. Gail  

    I met a man a few years ago – he knew my age, he had seen a recent photo of me – he was so cruel in his comments that I have never gone down that path again and I probably never will. If that is the quality and mentality of men out there I can see why they are on their own. To be treated so rudely and with so little respect – it really shocked me that people can be like that. So good luck to those people, I hope karma treats you as you have treated us!

    • Dianne  

      Oh so good to hear another woman tell their experience. I thought it was only myself who suffered This kind of treatment to be left disrespected and downtrodden. Best wishes.

  3. Raymond Barton  

    I am almost 65, gay and single. Checking the net for, companionship, I don’t do bars as I don’t drink nor smoke……..but as I read above it is the same for gay men. I feel insulted at times, too old. I can’t rant anymore.

    • Lois  

      Thank you for sharing how it is for you. I learned something new today.

    • brent  

      i to am gay but 13 years ago met another guy 30 years younger than me age isnt the problem its the expectation thats wrong… age is just a number. seek for the right reasons as in common intrest common values and common goals and you will all find someone regardeless of age.good luck.

  4. John  

    Ladies please Don’t give up on us Men over 60t we are not all the same. I have been judged also by women over 60t and have found some are only interested if you Ride a motor bike have a fat wallet and wear a beard. So it is a two way street.

    • Pam  

      Hi John
      I can assure you my friend that those women would be way in the minority!
      Certainly none that I know.
      Sorry you encountered that, just bad luck or timing is my guess.
      Try again as there are many lonely women that I’m sure would appreciate you.

    • Susan Burdock  

      It’s like the young skinny girls in magazines advertising wrinkle cream & fashion, absolutely void of older women & many wonder why with age they become invisible.
      Young women, even more today with this high expectation generation seek out older men for security, because they are established hoping love will grow. This is a particular aspect in Asia where female spouses are judged in that society by the success of their spouses.
      You have a constant stream of movies where old men are spoused by much younger women & those stars in real life, seem to upgrade as their younger wives age! Pre nups don’t always provide the desired outcome…what a way to get wealthy!!
      In a society were all things including wives become disposable, never give up hope, remember when you were young, how many frogs did you kiss before finding your prince!
      Leave those older wrinkly blokes on viagra for the young ones, the viagra will bring on a heart attack, their kids will be left nothing & the young spouse will find a young guy to share the marraige lottery winnings with!
      Look at poor Mel Gibson..Dudley Moore who lost heaps with divorce proceedings & finished his life on charity living in a granny flat at the rear of a friends home!
      Look at the poor wrinkle crew when their spouses deliberately become pregnant to solidify winnings & residual income from divorce proceedings..
      Pity them! Suckers of their own over inflated ego’s! Lead by their droopy appendage not their brains!!

    • Good on you John, some times the “Ladies” Don’t say what they mean…we stupid Guy’s do (Or at least we Genuine Guy’s do) I have NO wish to find “Someone to Die with”…but someone that wants to Live!!! 😉

    • Torch  

      Fat wallet and a portfolio a must I’ve found.

    • Ann  

      So where are you? How do I meet you?

  5. Ruth  

    I have had the same problem with men. I am 66 and consider myself young dress well and take care of myself. I am a bit over weight but good company. I have met 2 men and I discovered they are only interested in my 45 year old daughter. I don’t know what they think they are as neither are nice looking are very over weight. I don’t like the way I have been treated. It’s insulting and hurtful. I have discussed with my daughter and her response is Ugh YUK. So OLD FARTs take a look at yourselves also remember women live longer than men

    • warren whitehead  

      Ring me Ruth, Knowing my luck you prob, too far away,Though if you are still looking Lets have a chat. My number is 0497026828, Warren. xx.

    • r hall  

      look i dont need sex only a good friend to have fun with to talk to all that other stuff is anybody guess

  6. Cassandra Ogden  

    I am 66 and have met some lovely men this past year. Although there was no chemistry with most of them, a few really clicked. None was rude, some were younger, some older. They are not all the same, just as us women are not all the same. Ladies keep looking. You deserve love too.

    • Marian  

      Very true sadly the bad ones are the loudest

  7. Trish  

    What has this world of ours come to
    I personally think that we have been spoilt in every way
    Think that we have lost our
    “Wonder and our hunger”
    I guess I’m the lucky one ,I can still turn an eye ,a little rounder , and few wrinkles, im 70 and still working I work with a lot of younger people my day is still pretty ,I try and do the things I used to ,only it takes me longer,I don’t worry about. How I look is up to me if the mere male likes , great ,if he doesn’t ,bad luck ,I am equal to any man , no matter who he is amen

    • George  

      I’m 68 and yes still active in the dating scene, lets not just assume that all men are like the one you experienced, and to be fair I’ll not assume that all woman
      are like the one who told me told me 30seconds after we met that I was too short (5’6″) (although she was the same height” my profile includes height weight etc. so I’m also not sure what miracle she expected to happen.
      or the the woman at the end of a very fun date who told me if I was only 4 inches higher and 5 years younger, this was not site date but someone I met at a friends dinner party
      and I do not keep track of the number of women who cease to communicate at the discovery I do not own a house nor do I have a large Super fund but I assure you it is high

    • Ruth  

      I was in a marriage for over 28 years ( second marriage ) , bought up 6 children and help build his wealth etc. one day he told me I was too old , I am 4 years younger than him and people tell me I don’t look 65 . He had An Asian girlfriend only 20 and he is 69. He said he liked younger girls because they were ” tight” , I might add like a lot of men his age and older he needs the blue tablets??? I suggested to him that he was only a walking wallet to her and it would all end in tears . Since going through this heartbreak I have gone onto the online dating treadmill and gone on many dates with a couple of serious relationships. It seems the real men want to be with ladies around their age and the guys you really don’t want to know want the ” little girls” . So don’t give up there are some really wonderful guys in our age group out there but be very careful of scammers on these dating sites, check out ” Scamming scammers” site to educate yourself because many of the women scammed are in our age group.

    • Terri Hurrell  

      I live in Thailand and see hundreds of men like this, with very high expectations, coming to retire in Thailand and find themselves a young subservient Thai girl. Oh they are so smug thinking they have found the elixir of youth. It usually works for about a week….with the aid of Viagara. You see the girls in restaurants…smiling adoringly at them..cutting up their food. But the reality is that the men are referred to as ATMs and the girls want to go shopping all the time. They mostly have boyfriends that they pass off as “brothers”. When they no longer can get money or gifts out of them…they will stage a jealous act and dump them…broken hearted and confused. Some girls get houses and can support their whole family. That is the ultimate goal. Sometimes everything works out and they all live happily ever after. Usually the men realise that there is more to life than sex and speaking babytalk all day is draining. I’m quite amused when watching this and love it when I see them out shopping!

  8. Alan  

    I am so sorry to read this letter because I really feel it reflects unkindly on the over 60’s men that I know and who have used internet dating. I hope you can accept that we are not all made like this ogre! I have dated a number of lovely younger and same age potential partners and currently now in a wonderful 3.5 year relationship with a lovely lady 3 years younger who surpasses all of the ‘ younger’ ladies in both humour, wit, knowledge and care. Keep trying and do read the personal information carefully. My new love says ‘ Check the reading list’!! If he doesn’t have a reasonable list of good books then ignore him. It is the last thing the ‘youth seekers’ think would be important. If you are waiting for you love in surgery …you need to read!!!

  9. Lance Fishman  

    I am angered by those who lazily stereotype ALL members of a human sub-group.
    If this post referred to ALL gays, ALL Moslems/Christians/Jews etc. or ALL women over sixty it would properly be considered bigoted. However all older men seem fair game.
    I would have more respect for the views expressed if the terms SOME, MANY or even MOST had been used.
    Using the logic of the post, I could (just as unfairly) claim that ALL women that have been disappointed after only one date jump to unfair conclusions due to bitter attitudes.

    • Cynthia Prentice  

      So what do you do when it is thirty or forty times that it happens? I am attractive, I am a lucky lady and I know it but I have been there and done all of that too often…….because I am not a size ten and I have four grown children? What on earth does that change? They have all been used as excuses to not go further and the ‘ Well I am looking for a younger woman’ has always left me wondering what they are really looking for. If it is arm candy, then you have little moral compass and having the equivalent to a prostitute to show off to friends reflects on you in a way you will never understand……

  10. Dianne Carter  

    I’m 60 and have been single for 5 years. I’ve noticed that men in this age group prefer young, tiny 30 year old asian ( no racism intended) girls. When I commented to a male married friend about not even being approached by any guys, he said ladies in the 50+ age group seem to become invisible. Yes I’m a little over weight, but I work on my appearance and don’t dress like a little old lady, and in the past have never had a problem getting a date. I often wonder what these old dudes with over inflated egos would think if their 30 year old daughters came home with a 65 year old ” boyfriend”. I personally have given up on ever finding a loving companion

    • 30 year old daughter????? Try 20 – 24 still attending college and 40 years age difference plus still having kids….living in paradise on a pension……It is so common…….

  11. Robyn  

    Just look at any dating sight for older people- the guys generally want someone younger, slimmer & more attractive than themselves. I’m sure I will never repartner- at 62 but that’s ok. But seriously men do need to see what they themselves have to offer before judging us mature

    • Alan j  

      Unfortunately so do the ladies. Have had a look at a couple of dating sites and most ladies want guy their age or younger.
      After one disasterous attempt, I cannot be bothered.

      • Trish  

        I agree with both Alan and Robyn. Its a sweeping generalisation I know, and of course doesn’t apply to everyone, but I do think that once you hit 60 the rewards of finding a new mate are really not worth the effort required and the problems encountered even when a suitable partner is found. For a start each of you have SIXTY YEARS of emotional, cultural and familial baggage, and different ways of looking at the world. Most will have families maybe including grandchildren with a high likelihood of at least some of them bitterly resenting the intrusion of a new person into the family circle. Even if it is a relationship without shared living. It can be very divisive, tearing families apart. And then even if all that works, there’s coping with all of the health problems that often start in the sixties. Not to mention having to re-adjust to another person’s way of doing things. Add to that having to adjust to another person’s eating, sleeping and housekeeping quirks. Sooooo not worth it in my view. Loneliness is hard but I think re partnering far harder.

  12. Kel Davey  

    I am an Australian ex-veteran, 72 yrs old, divorced for 14 years after a bad marriage of 27 years out of 34 years after our kids were born and now still living alone and looking for a companion or more who I can care about, maybe end up loving and pampering but no luck so far, maybe in the new year. I was raised to respect women of all ages with the old fashioned ideas, opening doors, etc.
    I’ve been working for 56 years in various jobs including police, security and defence and even for a defence contractor but now due to age and a few medical issues that are being cleared up I’ve decided to semi-retire and see what I can do firstly about company and secondly about volunteering as a grandfather figure working with children, something I do on a regular basis as the Fat controller at our model train club rides days and recently as a school bus driver. Currently a JP heading into my 31st year in that position.

    • Shirley  

      Pity you don’t live in New Zealand. 😊

    • Top Ender  

      Except you can’t be an “ex-veteran.” You will always be a veteran, and well done too.

      • Jim  

        Well said, Top Ender, especially the “well done too” at the end. Kel, thank you for your service.

    • Cheryl  

      First that first sentence of Robyn is totally correct men only want a younger..slimmer.. snappy they can show her off like a handbag on their arm.. those men really do need to take a good hard long look at themselves in the mirror.. and I can relate to a lot what has been said on here .. I am over weight… and try and dress to my figure .. I do NOT like tight clothes … and Kel u must be only one of a kind left in this world.. u sound a nice person…

    • Elle Dajay  

      Hi John, I have experienced the invisibility syndrome & would like to meet with someone who is interested in friendship to begin a possible journey of adventure with. I live in SE Qld, should this be in your neck of the woods ;et me know.

    • Jennie Law  

      Kel. I like what you have written and I am in your age bracket and in Victoria recently retired . On Face book so if you wish to chat anytime. Please contact. Jennie. Law

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