What Pisses Me Off: Reality, hitting my head, wax and heat waves!

Christine’s back! She is more pissed off than ever….

1. It was a stinker of a day and the sun was starting to come out from behind the clouds and beginning to interfere with my ability to see the screen of my iPad. I had noticed a lot of other people were jumping over the rows of seating to get further up into the shade of the stadium. I grabbed my backpack and went to do the same when I realised I’m fat and I can’t jump. Reality really pisses me off!

2. I hate going to the Storage Shed – it is a constant reminder of everything we have lost and this particular day was very windy. Once again I was sorting through boxes and loading stuff into the boot when the wind caught the boot lid and down it came onto my precious head. Oh My God! I yelled two words to my guardian angels because they were obviously napping on the job. Thankfully there was just a lot of stars and no blood but an egg mountain was growing quicker than I could think. When we got home I strapped an ice pack to my head to try and get some relief. I could not even begin to describe how pissed off I was, but on the upside the following day was the 29th of February and I decided to take advantage of tradition and propose marriage. I asked if we were both still single and not dead in 30 years would he marry me, and to my absolute delight he accepted. I guess I am engaged!

3. I decided to try Veet wax …big mistake. I should have read the directions – I ended up getting a tad stressed, and well, I got the wax on but it was way too hot, after a painful struggle and a lot of determination it came off. There I stood with a delightful red burning moustache. I was desperate for some relief and decided to put something cold on it and the only frozen thing that was small enough was a slice of Mum’s frozen jam roll, I found out the hard way that I did not get all the wax off because the jam roll quickly stuck to my top lip. Mum looked at me and said “You are supposed to eat that, not wear it”. Sometimes I think I simply should not get out of bed.

4. During a recent heat wave, the local shops had a big notice board installed. They supplied small cards for everybody to advertise their goods for sale. Nobody was using it so I decided to have a bit of fun. I wrote in very tiny writing “If it were socially acceptable to shop naked I would. I can’t get cool! This heat is really pissing me off!” I could not believe that some people took offence, I was pissed off at them for getting pissed off at me for writing a mini What Pisses Me Off!

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