‘I refuse to be defeated in my quest for the perfect kiss’

At 67 years of age I refuse to be defeated in my quest for the perfect kiss, I have embarked on some research to prepare for that magic moment. Thus far, I have discovered that the first kiss in meeting a person will determine compatibility. If it is done right (supposedly).

My research has revealed that kissing passionately causes a drug like effect. As a result the drug craving neurotransmitter called dopamine goes to work in our brain making us feel good and loved, giving us the feeling of reward or euphoria.

In The Art of Kissing: A 1936 Guide for Lovers Hugh Morris writes: “Like a bee that settles on the fragrant pistils of a flower, and sips in the nectar for honey, so should you sip in the nectar from between the lips of your love.”

Why you might ask, do I need to research this, shouldn’t it all just happen naturally.

Remembering back some 50 years reminds me of my first kiss. It was after a Christmas work function in 1968, and the apple of my eye (who I had swooned over, and who consumed every waking moment of my life) invited me on a ferry ride across the Sydney Harbour. I was 17, smitten and in love. I am sure if I had key performance indicators (KPIs) back in those days I would not have met the targets such was the dreamy state I was in. My older sister worked at the same place as I did. Her grin was pleasing as I walked hand in hand to the Quay with my love.

Dropping me at Central Station on the Country Platform — he came in for that first kiss. Oh my goodness, it was not at all what I had been expecting.

Arriving home, my sister was eager to get the gossip. “Come on how was it?” she asked.

“Just awful! Really! Awful,” I explained.

I went on to explain, all was fantastic until he nearly chocked me with his tongue. How disgusting. I remember she nearly fell of the chair laughing. Much more learned that I, she explained I had experienced a French kiss.

Throughout my life I have experienced several techniques to which I have adapted my own names. I have explained to my friends I am just after that dreamy melty kiss. The one that makes one light-headed. I don’t want the dance of the seven veils.

When they asked me for details on what such a kiss involved, I went on to explain that it is where the tongue is turned several times inside ones mouth and it is like a dance of the veils, round and around. I also do not want the shriveled donut that has exceeded its use by date, you know where the lips are hard and pursed into a doughnut shape.

Considering I have only had two coffee dates since 2014 I think at this rate I will have to apply for a research grant if I am to ever be successful. Wish me luck!

Do you remember your first kiss? Tell us about it.

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