‘I was lost when mum passed away, but couldn’t shed a tear’

When my mother passed away, I felt a deep sense of loss. However, I was at a loss to explain why I did not — or could not — openly express the sorrow one would expect at such a time. I remember my brother and my sister were able to express themselves, but I found myself wanting to comfort them rather than be overwhelmed by my own emotion.

I pondered this for a long time; in fact to this day it still enters my mind. I took to my journal and wrote the following.

Grief is something more than an intense feeling of loss or sorrow. It cannot be defined because we feel the effects in different ways and we deal with it in different ways. How each individual will express grief and the degree to which it affects us is borne deep within our psyche; something that begins to take shape before we are born.

At birth our physical appearance is determined by our parents and family traits that have been passed from generation to generation. Our psychological being develops and is influenced as we grow to adulthood. What we experience throughout childhood and beyond will shape us as individuals and determine our inner self. It will influence our ability to deal with grief and sorrow. It will determine how we react and whether we openly express grief.

Such influences and indeed personal experiences teach us that grief and sorrow can be caused by many things. Each of us deals with it according to all the things that make us unique as an individual.

How do you feel about ‘grief’? If you had to express it or write about it, what would you say?

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