Happy Wife, Happy Life

 “Always get up in the morning and put on your lippy and your girdle.”

These words of wisdom for keeping my new husband happy came from a family friend. Coralie and her darling Clive had been married for more than 50 years, so perhaps she had a point.

Did I listen – not likely!

But somehow we have survived 31 years of marriage and 38 years together. So how has our marriage survived when others have failed?  Well, according to one friend(?) the reason is I am:

1. Too easily pleased
2. Too willing to accept what I have
3. Lacking in ambition.

So are these the secrets of our success?  Let us have a look at these statements.

1. I am married to someone who loves me completely and whom I love in return, but it took me 33 years to find him.  I don’t think some of the frogs I kissed on the way to John would agree that I am easily pleased.
2. When you finally find love why not accept it; why go looking any further? I do accept what I have because from my viewpoint, I have a good life. There may be things I want, but nothing I need. I could give myself ulcers wishing for more, but I have better things to do with my life.
3. I know what she meant about me lacking in ambition. I met and married a man who worked in retail and still does. So why didn’t I change him into a doctor, lawyer, executive or other professional with high earning capacity as she tried to do with three husbands and other partners?  If I felt that was important, then many of my frogs would have filled the bill, but my ambition was never to be the richest corpse in the graveyard.

Let me tell you a bit about us. When I met John I was happily single, after a couple of disastrous relationships.  I had my ballet, opera and theatre subscriptions and sat next to delightful people with whom I’d share a drink at interval and sometimes a coffee later.

John was a member of Sydney Jaycees, an all-male service organisation which I joined when they opened their doors to females. We met at my first meeting – was it love at first sight?  Mmm…not really, but I thought he was a lovely kid! This lovely kid invited me to his 19^th birthday party and I went. The next day he phoned to ask if he could come and visit. Thinking to discourage him, I let him know I was going to Mum’s, but resilient kid he was, he asked if he could come.

Mum teased me about going to a kiddies party, but John reassured her that some of the people at his party had been really old, 23, 24; pity I was 27! Oh did I forget to tell you that? Yes in today’s parlance I am a cougar, or John is a toy boy whichever you prefer. I resisted his advances for nearly seven years, but eventually gave in and we were married on 4 June 1983.

And of course we have never had a harsh word, no arguments, no worries, no disappointments and lived in perpetual sunshine, oops sorry that is a fairy story I read.

We have had our moments, in fact we have had many moments. One famous argument we had was long distance and it was about that oft beleaguered subject, money, or lack of it, what else?  The next day at work I received an obscenely large basket of flowers from one of the most expensive florists in town as an apology. John must be the only man ever abused by his wife for actually sending flowers!

But despite our moments, we have a basic respect for each other; we started out as friends and fall back on that if all else fails. We’ve had wonderful times together; we’ve shared lots of love, lots of laughs and some tears. We’ve supported each other through some tough times and celebrated happy events. We cuddle each other for love, for comfort and just because we feel like a hug. We don’t always agree, but do share similar values. We share our faith and belief system.

When all is said and done, there is no secret to a happy marriage; different things make different people happy. Being married is not easy; it requires compromise, commitment and hard work.  It isn’t easy sharing your life (and bathroom) with someone, having to consider their wants and needs. But marriage can be wonderful if you are both prepared to give it 100 percent. (I’ve never bought 50/50, who decides “I’ve done my 50%, now over to you”?).

Some people said we would never last, and maybe we won’t, but we’ve been together now more than half our lives. Given our time over again, there are some things we might do differently, but loving each other isn’t one of them.

I asked John to comment on this article and he sensibly said, “I agree Darling.” Well, his motto is “Happy Wife, Happy Life”.

What is your marriage story? How long have you been married for? What are your secrets? Tell us in the comments below…