Bananas, Boobs and Grants

Some years ago I read an article about the large sums of money granted to some academics to do research into topics such as Breastfeeding in Ancient Rome.

This article came to mind recently when I was trying to give away the fruit that my banana plants (they’re not trees, they’re herbs, and strangely, the banana fruit is botanically classified as a berry) had prolifically produced.

I know bananas have nothing to do with breastfeeding (except, perhaps, for the nutritional aspect), but it revealed another, probably even more obscure, revelation: men prefer Cavendish to Lady Fingers.

I’d always assumed that if you liked bananas you’d be happy to eat either, but when distributing my harvest to family, friends, acquaintances and even the young electrician up to his knees in mud in a trench on my footpath, I was surprised that none of the men wanted Lady Fingers, only Cavendish.

Okay, I prefer Lady Fingers but any banana will do in a smoothie or cake.

I once read a health article that said you could survive on milk and bananas. I guess you’d get enough nutrition but I wonder if you’d die of boredom.

Speaking of research (and food), in a recent study Victoria University investigated “which traditional and non-traditional masculine norms predict meat consumption, red and processed meat consumption, and willingness to reduce meat consumption in 557 Australian and English males”.

They came to the conclusion that “Men who support the use of physical violence and place high importance on sex ate more meat”.

Of course, this all goes back to the men-as-hunters and women-as-gatherers era when spearing the odd buffalo, crocodile, lion etc proved men were brave and got to have first cut of the beast that the women would skin, dissect, and place on the fire to cook (after having trekked miles to gather yams, fruit, nuts and berries, while also looking after the offspring of those males).

Which makes me wonder if evolution has proved a little reticent in those 557 men surveyed, especially when considering the uneven ratio of domestic duties in most of today’s couples.

But it also made me wonder about the benefit of some of these research studies. Who commissioned the meat-eating research, why such a small number of subjects, and what was it supposed to achieve?

What possible benefits could breastfeeding in ancient Rome have for today’s nursing mothers? I was also puzzled as to where you would find this information. Did Roman nursemaids note their observations on a papyrus roll and squirrel it away in some secret hidey-hole to be studied centuries later?

So it set me thinking about more useful research projects that grant money could be frittered away on.

Why not get a grant into researching:

Why do people who are happy to drive 70-80kph in a 60kph zone throw out food and medications on the “Use By” or “Best Before” date.

Why do companies selling anti-wrinkle products use models who don’t look old enough to have left school, let alone have a wrinkle.

Why do models on the catwalk and in magazines never smile? Their expression says, “I’d rather be anywhere else than here” or “This outfit looks ridiculous but I’m getting paid to wear it so what the heck”.

Why do ads selling exercise equipment use models who are already toned and fit-looking when they’re the ones who’ve obviously got the exercise message.

Why is it almost impossible to find women’s swimwear that doesn’t expose butt cheeks.

Why can we put men on the moon but some of our highways are only two-lane and have potholes that can swallow a tyre.

Why can we make plastic that lasts 5,000 years but elastic in underwear gives up after five washes.

Why, when you give cats a treat, do they think, “Good. They’ve finally got my diet right,” and refuse to eat anything else. (Actually, that sound a bit like my grandkids.)

While I was pondering these great mysteries of life, I thought perhaps men preferred Cavendish bananas because the name Lady Fingers didn’t sound masculine enough.

I wonder if there’s a grant …