Have you been the odd one out?

While in a hotel bar dining area recently I noticed a tour group from Canada come in for dinner. Most of the 16 were over-60s, only three were men, who sat at the table together, and there was one woman about 25 years younger than any of the others.

This got me wondering about being the odd one out. About 25 years ago, just after my husband’s death, I was invited by a friend to a dinner with a guest speaker who I admired. This was a large event held as fund raising for her son’s school. The speaker was great, I was made to feel very welcome, but I felt there were 301 people there – 150 couples and me.

This was likely due to my grief, but being the odd one out does happen.

Since then on a couple of occasions I have been on short tours in small groups where on each tour the others were three couples from USA. While they were friendly and I had much in common with some, in each case their interest was only in where the other US couples came from. There was absolutely no interest in me or Australia. My response was to give up and just listen.

A few years ago, while in Hobart, I overheard two people in their 60s, talking in a cafe about the bicycle ride they had just done down Mt Wellington. This was a tour where you are driven up the mountain, provided with a mountain bike, and you ride back down to Salamanca Place. I thought ‘well, if they can do it so can I’, after all it’s all down hill.

So I went. While waiting to be picked up I realised that the other five people were all under 35 and all male. Oh dear. However, the two young men running the tour seemed totally unfazed and said that one would go in front and the vehicle would follow the last rider, and we were to go at our own pace. Mt Wellington, of course, was covered in mist, which suited me as there was no traffic on the road, but I felt sorry for the others who were from the US and UK.

Towards the end of the mountain road we were given the option of going down a mountain track or along the road. Again they assured me it was fine for me to go along the road.

I arrived at the morning tea stop somewhat behind the others, but we all finished up at Salamanca Place, me with very sore hands from holding the handbrake so tightly.

The two young guides coped admirably with a group of boy racers and one more cautious older woman. Needless to say I have not felt the need to do another of these bike rides

Last year I was on a river cruise, where I had deliberately chosen a company that did not advertise that they were specifically for Australians. As it happened the largest group was 38 Australians on a tour, 18 couples, one single woman and the tour leader. The single woman had found it quite difficult to adjust to a tour of couples. Some people in couples have no idea that the entire world is not made up of couples and can be very unaware and very insensitive.

Working out where to sit for dinner was a challenge. On one occasion I was barked at loudly and rudely by one woman, “My husband is sitting there.” I quickly found a few people who were most welcoming, and two women from Switzerland who were travelling alone who I have kept in contact with.

Tour groups often seem to be made up of couples, but there are companies which specialise in tours for singles. In my limited experience more woman travel alone than men, however this may not be true.

Of course this is not always the case on tours – it can be the person who does not have grandchildren when everyone else is going on about their grandchildren, or the one who does not travel when everyone is comparing their last trip.

Have you been in a group where someone has been the odd one out? How have they been included?

Are there any men out there who have been in the minority on a tour or in a group? What was that like?

How do you cope if you are the sole man or single woman in a a group or out of the majority age group?