Jeremy Clarkson rushed to hospital after kitchen disaster

Outspoken British television presenter Jeremy Clarkson has revealed in grisly detail how he sliced off half his thumb and was rushed to hospital following a horror kitchen mishap.

Clarkson recalled all the gruesome details in his most recent column for The Sunday Times, with the incident occuring while he was making chilli chips “with much vigour” and ended up slicing off half his thumb on a mandolin slicer.

“I turned and plunged the wound into a stream of icy spring water, which was a mistake because bone is normally surrounded by warm blood and flesh. It’s unused to coming into contact with anything cold and responds by sending a message to the mouth suggesting it says ‘f***” a lot’,” he said.

Clarkson went on to describe in his trademark vivid language the severity of the injury following the incident.

“It was like a miniature pork chop, about 2cm long, 1cm wide and 3mm thick. And, yes, it was half my thumb,” he said.

Despite her best intentions, Clarkson’s girlfriend attempted to reattach the severed digit.

“So that’s what she did, plonking it back in the hole on my thumb. And that would have been fine, save for the fact that moments earlier she’d been mixing some dried Carolina reaper chillies into a blend of salt and garlic,” he said.

“Now, you may know that a chilli that scores a record 2.2 million on the Scoville scale can cause a fair bit of irritation when taken orally, but this is nothing compared with what it does when it’s applied to an open wound, along with a dash of salt for extra agony. You may have heard the scream from where you were.”

Clarkson shared a photo of the aftermath to his Instagram alongside the simple caption, “Ow”.

 

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A post shared by Jeremy Clarkson (@jeremyclarkson1)

Clarkson reluctantly went to hospital where he had the injury treated.

“The doc explained that I could lose the use of it, and since the opposable thumb is all that separates us from goats, I decided I’d better do as I was told,” he said.

“She removed the pork chop, washed off most of the chilli, salt, garlic and mud from the floor and then put it back, before wrapping it in a bandage again and sending me to a hospital in Oxford.”

The former Top Gear host then shared the seemingly endless daily tasks he can no longer accomplish on his own.

“I can’t do up button-flied trousers. I can’t open a door. I can’t sign my name, and I can’t even wipe my bottom,” he said.

Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.