‘Living in a prison’: Retired wife laments husband’s needy behaviour

Retirement can take a bit of getting used to, especially if it changes the dynamic of your relationship altogether.

For one wife, she’s had a gutful of her needy husband, so much so that she’s compared retired life to living in a prison. In a lengthy post on grandparent forum Gransnet, the woman has let loose on her over-the-top husband.

Only known by her screenname of Tuppence21, she explained she’d previously had a fulfilling job which took her all over the world. During that time, she could spend weeks away from her husband, who retired early due to health reasons.

Since retiring herself, her husband is adamant they do everything together.

“Now I am retired and my husband insists we go everywhere together,” she explained. “Although he still goes out alone, if I want to go for a coffee with friends, I face an inquisition and he has even suggested he comes with me when I go to the hairdressers.”

She said the situation has become so bad that if she suggests going out alone, her husband will cancel his own arrangements and plans so he can join her.

“I find the whole thing oppressive and the daily bickering about this is getting me down,” she revealed. “We have very little to talk about now and I think the situation is unhealthy.”

The woman said that while she enjoys the time she gets to spend with her husband, she still needs her own time away from him with her other friends and siblings. Her husband’s controlling ways have even stopped her from spending time with her beloved mother, who is in her 90s.

“This may sound selfish to widows and divorcees but I cannot take much more,” she vented. “I have tried talking, pleading and, sadly, shouting, but nothing seems to improve the situation. I would just go away for a couple of days but I’m terrified he would call the police if he didn’t know exactly where I was.”

Plenty of other retirees offered their advice for the woman and her husband, with many sympathising with her situation.

“I imagine he was looking forward to spending more time with you and has overdone it,” one commenter wrote. “Could you have set days to ‘do your own thing’ and days for joint ventures?”

Another described the husband’s sudden change in behaviour as odd.

“I wonder why suddenly he has to be with you every time you go out,” they pondered. “Has anything happened that you know that might have set this off? It does seem very odd. Ok, he hopes to spend more time with you now you are both retired, but wanting to go with you to the hairdressers is a bit OTT.”

A third commenter bluntly suggested “murder” if things didn’t improve.

“The time for discussion is gone,” they warned. “The time has come to sit him down and tell him firmly that as much as you love him, if you are to remain 24/7 in his company, the result will be murder.”

What would you do? Have you ever been in a situation similar to this? What advice would you give to this couple?