A Texan rancher was visiting an Australian farmer. The proud farmer showed him around. “Here is where I grow tomatoes, cucumbers, and pumpkin. Over there I built a play set for my kids, next to the doghouse,” the farmer said.
The land was tiny, and the Texan was surprised by its small size. “Is this all your land?” he asked.
“Yes,” the farmer said proudly. “This is all mine!”
“You mean this is it? This is all of it?” the Texan said incredulously.
“Yes, yes, this is really all mine!”
“Well, son,” said the Texan. “Back home I’d get in my car before the sun’d come up and I’d drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I’d only be halfway across my land!”
“Oh, yes,” replied the farmer wistfully. “I used to have a car like that.”
The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver: “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?”
The driver is understandably hesitant and says: “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.”
But the Pope persists: “Please?”
The driver finally lets up: “Oh, alright, I can’t really say no to the Pope.”
So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100km/h in a 60 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the Pope to wind the window down. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: “Chief, I have a problem.”
Chief: “What sort of problem?”
Cop: “Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit, but it’s someone really important.”
Chief: “Important like the mayor?”
Cop: “No, no, much more important than that.”
Chief: ‘Important like the governor?”
Cop: ‘Way more important than that.”
Chief: “Like the president?”
Cop: ‘Much more important.”
Chief: “Who’s more important than the president?”
Cop: “I don’t know but he has the Pope as his driver!”
A man is driving down a country road when his car suddenly breaks down. He pulls over and starts to look under the hood when he hears a voice from behind.
“Looks like your timing chain broke.”
He turns around and is surprised to see a horse standing there and nobody else around. The man runs away scared and reaches a farmhouse about a kilometre away.
A farmer comes to the door and the man tells him what just happened. He tells him that horse spoke and told him the timing chain broke.
“What?” The farmer asks. “Wait, was it a brown horse with a white spot on his face?”
“Yes! That’s the one!” The man replies.
The farmer replied: “Oh don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know anything about cars.”
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