Two friends were walking through the woods when they attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them and started to walk toward them.
The first man immediately opened his backpack, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second man looked at him and said: “You’re crazy! You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!”
“Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear.”
“If you know that, why are you changing shoes?” his friend asked.
“Well, the way I figure it,” the first man replied. “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you.”
When asked her name, a little girl would reply: “I’m Mr Hudson’s daughter”.
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must just say: “I’m Jane Hudson”.
One day, the minister spoke to her in Sunday School and said: “Aren’t you Mr. Hudson’s daughter?”
She replied: “Well, I thought I was, but mother says I’m not”.
After five hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
“What are you doing out here at 2am?” said the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture,” the man said.
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.
“My wife!” said the man.