A man spent the night at the pub. The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at two in the morning?” asked the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture.” The man said.
“And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked.
“My wife,” said the man.
A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman: “Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?”
The barman replies: “It’s a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night.”
“Great!” says the man, “but what if I can’t reach them?”
“Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night,” the barman answers.
“Do you want to try?”
“No, but thanks anyway.”
“Why not?”, asks the barman.
“The steaks are too high.”
An eight-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: “Daddy, what is sex?”
The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the “birds and the bees”.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her: “Why did you ask this question?”
The little girl replied: “Mum told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs”.