‘I never see my grandchildren’: Concerned grandmother sparks debate

An anonymous grandmother who complained about not seeing her grandchildren has been labelled as “spoiled” and unreasonable by fellow grandparents.

The grandmother took to Mumsnet to say she finds it “unfair” that she never gets to see her grandchildren, while her daughter’s mother-in-law sees them twice a week.

Posting on the online forum, she wrote: “I have two grandchildren boy age[d] six and [a] girl age[d] four. Every week they go to son-in-laws family Thursday after school and Sunday after church for lunch.”

She went on to explain how her son-in-law, 37, died last September from heart problems, commenting that even before he passed, her daughter’s mother-in-law had set days with the children.

“When do I see my grandchildren?” she asked. “Well, I don’t,” the grandmother said, explaining that she only sees them half-an-hour after church on Sundays, and sometimes on a Tuesday during school holidays “if I’m lucky”.

“I think it’s so unfair that I never get to see them even for an hour after school,” she added.

The grandmother went on to explain: “Son-in-laws family are very controlling and my daughter [has] been brainwashed by them. I feel really left out. I never get invited to anywhere … it’s always them. I’m a single parent and nanny … but I never get to see my grandchildren.”

She admitted loosing her son-in-law was “a big upset” and that she misses him a lot, explaining that “at least I was invited for tea/dinner/stories when he was here”, adding, “please help, I get so upset”. I have tried talking to my daughter and she says lets keep things as they have been. Which kind of excludes me … [I] am very unhappy, should I talk to a counsellor at church?” 

The post sparked an online debate, with many slamming the grandmother for complaining. One person wrote, “You sound similar to a spoiled child”, while another added, “You see GC [grandchildren] weekly? Sorry, what is the problem?”

A third added: “You’re already seeing your grands weekly. That’s more than many people get. To be honest, when you complain about what someone else gets versus what you get, you sound similar to a spoiled child.”

Others pointed out that loosing a husband or son is difficult, adding: “Your daughter takes them to her MILs [mother-in-laws] twice a week, presumably because she lost her son,* your DD [darling daughter] lost her husband* and yes, she’s probably a ‘bit upset’! They probably sit and chat about the lost son/husband, it’s early days for heavens sake, give them some time.”

Another wrote: “Your DD may feel closer to her DH [darling husband] by spending time with his mum.Try and be patient. Could you invite them all for a meal including DD ‘s MIL?”

What do you think? Is this fair? How often do you see your grandchildren?