A grandmother has drawn the ire of the internet after being accused of crossing the line with her granddaughter by allegedly having her ears pierced without her mother’s permission.
Furious with her mother-in-law’s alleged actions, the mother of the 8-month-old took to the online forum Reddit to vent her anger and get advice on how she should proceed with the matter, asking “am I overreacting?”
“I’ve been married for ~4 years and am the mother of an 8-month-old daughter, Annie. I’m a first-time mother but I don’t think I’m overly paranoid or anything,” she wrote.
“Last Friday, MIL asked if she could pick up Annie early from day care so she could spend time with her. I said sure. This isn’t the first time she’s done that and it’s never been a problem.
“In the evening I go to pick up my daughter from her house and notice her ears are pierced. I ask my MIL why she thought that it was okay to do that without my permission. She had asked about earrings in the past and I had told her that I wasn’t going to put my baby in pain for something cosmetic. Also I think babies look weird with earrings.
“She said I should thank her, because I didn’t see my baby in pain. Apparently my baby’s pain only exists when I’m there to see it. I told her she had absolutely no right to go against my feelings on the matter.
“She said because I told her she could pick my daughter up from day care, I was trusting her to make the decisions and this is the one she made. I was further enraged when I found out my daughter’s ears had been pierced at some cheap jewelry store in the mall. If I were going to pierce her ears, I’d have taken her to somewhere with professional piercers.
“When I told my husband about it, he was furious with his mother. He called her to tell her so and she said that I was turning him against her. He told her that he was removing her from the list of approved pick-up people at Annie’s day care because he didn’t trust Annie with her anymore.
“My MIL sent me a half-assed apology on FB saying she still wants to spend time with Annie and didn’t expect me to have such a dramatic reaction.
“I don’t know what to do. I’d hate to start a family feud, but I really don’t trust her with my daughter anymore.”
The vexed mother also shared a copy of the apology that her mother-in-law offered following the incident.
“I know that you’re mad at me and I want you to know that was never my intention. I love Annie with all my heart and you know I would never do anything that would hurt her,” the mother-in-law wrote.
“I feel like I’m being treated like a child abuser. It also hurts that you apparently think I’m not entitled to any say over my granddaughter. It takes a village to raise a child. Once again, I did not mean to upset you and hope we can move past this.”
Any concerns on the mother’s part that she was overreacting about her mother-in-law’s actions were quickly alleviated with many on the forum voicing their support for her.
One commenter explained that they too would be “very upset” but encouraged the mother to be “diplomatic” in her response.
“Upset is probably an understatement but outside of the privacy of my home or the home of a close friend, I would not let anything beyond very upset show,” they said.
“Unfortunately, you’re stuck with this woman and unauthorized ear piercing on its own is not really a cut-out-of-life type offense. As much as you probably want to lose your shit at this woman, it’s probably a bad idea. You will have to be diplomatic while also enforcing some boundaries and consequences.
“I would call her and say that you accept her apology although you would have preferred that she called or came by in person so that you could have discussed this but it’s over and done now. She’s going to try to make you feel like you’re overreacting but stick to your guns. Do not fight, do not get angry (I know it’s easier said than done) and once the conversation with her is over, drop it.”
Another shared similar sentiments, encouraging the mother to be wary of her mother-in-law moving forward.
“I’m not even a parent yet and this enrages me! You and your husband have every right to be as upset as you want to be. I would not trust your MIL taking your daughter anywhere from here on out,” the user wrote.
Another felt that in addition to taking the grandmother to task, the place that did the piercing should also be held to account.
“No, this is completely unacceptable. And you should also complain to the place who did it because they did NOT have parental consent!! And yes, those places in the mall are horrific,” the user expressed.
“The piercing guns basically punch a hole through the flesh. No baby needs to have this done! I don’t want to go as far as to say “child abuse”, but she put your daughter in pain for no reason.
“Bottom line: YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE UPSET.”
The mother-in-law’s “half-assed apology” was not enough for one person who felt it “appropriate” to cut her off.
“I think it’s appropriate that you withhold your daughter from her if you really don’t trust her,” they said.
“But I do also want to point out: what do you think will happen the next time? Is she frequently disregarding boundaries? Is she careless with your daughter? If so this is just one flagrant example of a relationship dynamic you can’t live with, and you should not trust her again until that dynamic has been addressed to a reasonable degree.”
Finally, one commenter felt that the mother-in-law “crossed the line big time” with her behaviour.
“I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. In fact, I would not allow her to see your daughter alone anymore,” they said.
“If she is going to see her, she must be accompanied by you or your husband. She has lost the privilege of seeing her granddaughter alone.”