Daily Joke: The counsellor and other marriage jokes

A husband and wife go to a marriage counsellor for the first time. As soon as they sit down, the wife starts complaining about the husband.

“He never cleans up, he never cooks for the family, and he doesn’t say he loves me enough…”

This continues for some time until finally the counsellor stands up and tells the wife to stop. He then says, “Stand up and walk over to me.”

As soon as she walks over, the counsellor grabs her tightly and gives her a passionate kiss. He then looks over to the husband and says, “See? That’s all she needs two to three times a week to be happy.”

The husband laughs excitedly and says, “That’s great, Doc! I can drop her off every Monday and Wednesday.”

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An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage. He went to a lingerie shop to get a sexy lingerie for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive outfit and went home.

Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to change and found that it was too small for her.

She thought, “He does not have a great eyesight. I will go naked and he would not even know.” She entered the bedroom naked.

Her husband looked at her, squinting his eyes and muttered, “Well, for the price I paid, they should have at least ironed it.”

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These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.

Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.

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Husband and wife are having marriage trouble. Husband is not that bright and he is often unfaithful. One day the wife dies unexpectedly and arrives at Heaven’s Gate met by a past loved one.

It was her grandmother.

Wife: Grandmother what must I do to get through Heaven’s Gate?

Grandmother: It’s easy honey, all you have to do is spell one word.

Wife: What is it?

Grandmother: Love.

After many years and multiple wives later the husband dies and arrives at Heaven’s Gate met by a past loved one. It was his first wife.

Husband: What must I do to get through Heaven’s Gate?

Wife: You must spell just one word.

Husband: what is it?

Wife: Czechoslovakia

Need another laugh? Have a look at some of our other great jokes here.