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Let’s not be judgemental

Mar 21, 2017

I read a treatise several years ago on how the negative attitudes of others can have a deleterious effect, that constant exposure to negativity can make inroads into one’s own bank of positivity. In the words of the song, It Ain’t Necessarily So, because it has never happened to me. I know from life experience though that it can happen, can make others among us uncertain, diffident, even anxious. To me, that is not only sad but unnecessary.

Trying to be positive about negatives

Does that sound a conflict in terms? Hmmm, depends perhaps on personal – as opposed to mathematical – perspective. In maths, if you multiply a positive by a negative, it becomes a negative. Personally? Well, speaking for the one with whom I am most familiar, moi, I have never experienced a negative day, let alone negative thought, in my life. On the other hand, because I am active in suicide intervention, I am first to acknowledge that many folk have difficulty breaking free of what they see as life’s negatives.

So many factors enter our lives, and not all of them good. Some of them, indeed, contain the potential to make us bitter. From this, in some part, comes negativity. We all have issues capable of souring our outlook, but it seems to be a mark of individual character how we come through them. From one lifetime – and being highly selective – there have been operations for two cancers (thankfully, both primary and discovered early) and the loss of two wives, one suddenly, with a daughter, and the other following twelve long years’ suffering.

The less you respond to negativity, the happier you will be

This ran quickly through my mind yesterday because I was witness to a number of negative comments applied to a positive article written by a member of our own community. It saddened me, but not for the member who wrote the article, nor for the woman who was its subject: The former gained immediate support from fellow writers, and the latter is, by inference, too positive a person for it to affect her. I was actually sad for those who saw only negatives in the article.

You see, when our member wrote about a pioneering woman (in an endeavour to make her story better known), knockers sprung instantly from the woodwork with comments that showed a sad lack of imagination. Worse, they failed to offer the most basic tenet of criticism: reason, or rationality. Most, in fact, missed the point of the article entirely. I’d hate them on my darts team! Or debating…

It is basically a matter of courtesy – and common sense

When I extended an apology to the writer of the previously mentioned article and offered her support against those who saw no good in it, I had the immense satisfaction of drawing spleen away from her and having it vented temporarily on me. At least it provided her with a transitory period, a little breathing space. Some of the responses shot back at me included,

“…knockers… the only comment I see having a go at others is yours.” Well, I wasn’t aiming for your paranoia; still, if the cap fits…

“Must we …like everything and not have personal opinions.” Certainly not. Disagree by all means, but do it with courtesy or, better still, consider writing a counter story.

There was one comment that generated quite a belly laugh, “(You) and ??” I’m so sorry to disappoint, but I have no need of a ghostwriter!

The comments I found saddest were those more or less saying, I don’t know the woman, why bother us with her story? Isn’t this the reason we research and read and write, to broaden our knowledge and understanding, especially of our pioneers?

Basically, those who spout negatives seem to have want of an ‘us v them’ syndrome; in reality, this does little more than engender sympathy for the sayer. The bottom line? Just keep in mind that its fine for you to disagree with an article, your opinion and response will always be valued – provided it’s constructive as opposed to destructive. Nothing more, nothing less.

Surely that’s one positive even the most negative among us can grasp.