What pisses me off: False teeth, printers, bursting hoses, clothes hangers, glasses and remembering stuff! 2



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Life is challenging at the best of times, but some things could be a little easier. What really pisses me off is the little tags they put on women’s tops or dresses to stop them falling off the hanger. Well, they may do that, but at other times they have a tendency to hang out of your clothes and make you look like if you pull them you will completely unravel. It is a really annoying first world problem and can be solved by ripping them out of the garment but then your clothes slide off your sloping hangers and lie messily on your wardrobe floor. Especially the ironed ones.

And garden hoses. I am not responsible for buying or installing garden hoses at my place, but he who frequently worships at the temple of testosterone (aka Bunnings) always buys the cheapest he can get. Sadly they have a tendency to twist, split, and burst off the ancient tap with mighty velocity and squirt you when your’e washing your car in Arctic temperatures. There is very strong water pressure at my place, so they are like loaded weapons. There are five at our place, and not one of them actually does the job it is designed for. I don’t mind so much in summer but winter squirting is not the best when it’s so cold. Also water is useful only when it is going where it meant to be going. A face full of water is good for the grandkids but I’m personally not a fan. And yes, I’d love one of those ones advertised on TV – what a heavenly hose I say, I’d like one for Christmas. Better than French perfume I say.

Sometimes I forget things. I do write them down, but my writing is not very tidy so I cannot understand my note to myself and need special interpretation skills.  And then I forget where the note is. I now put appointments on my phone but as I’m on the actual phone I need to write them down to transfer them later. I’m getting better, but it is something I needed to get my teeth into – especially my new ones.

So, late last year I finally had a couple of ‘past it’ teeth at the front removed as the ageing addict look does not suit me, I had to have what they charmingly called ‘a partial denture’. Well, it does mean I can smile again without a wobbly fake tooth only just clinging to a post, and I can eat and chew again – when I remember to wear it. I’m getting better, but in the first few days I  met a friend very early for coffee and when smiling at the young chap behind the counter  I wondered why he looked so taken aback. When I sat with my friend, she gasped “where are your teeth?” – I’d forgotten to put in the denture – oh the humiliation. The next time I went to a meeting and just as I was about to enter, remembered my teeth. Dashed home to put them in. When asked why I was late, I said without thinking that I had forgotten my teeth. They looked at me strangely after that.

I love my new denture, but it does not like chewing Mars bars and so I have been advised to buy special pink adhesive to stick it in, but beware, if you use too much it will ooze out between your choppers and make it look like your gums are melting. Don’t use too much says the label, and perhaps I shouldn’t.  If I could only read the minuscule writing on the label. Wait I can. I have new glasses. Distance light filtering ones at night, prescription distance day sunglasses, $2 readers and sunglasses with bifocals. Hmm which should I choose. I know I look odd with one pair perched on my head and the other on my nose.

And then the printer. I hate my printer. I just bought new ink and as I very seldom use it any more I put it in but it kept telling me it was not connected. However it WAS connected -the plug was in the USB port. How connected do you want you stupid thing. Sadly one cannot argue with some technology and after I felt white hot rage rise  up I gave it a few sharp taps and shoves (the printer, not the computer) and now it has a bright red light on it and does not do anything at all. But apart from those minor annoyances, life is good. My coffee machine still works, I have books to read, the sun is shining and I think there is some chocolate left in the fridge.

Tell us, what pisses you off?

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Karen Jones

Born in New Zealand, Karen now happily lives in the mid-north coast of New South Wales. She retired early due to ill health and now focuses on her love of walking, writing, reading and spending time with her grandchildren. With a degree in writing, Karen became a blogger and book reviewer for Starts at 60, which has enabled her passions to become enjoyable pastimes. Her recipe for bliss is a well made flat white, a friendly cat and a sea view.

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    What pisses me of is how my grandchildren, and I mind two of them before and after school, request certain foodsfor breakfast..One week it was muffins with egg and bacon then after a couple of days nah gran don’t want them for breakfast, so we go back to cereal after a week or so, sick of that and so on. Mind you when their dads were kids it was “here’s your toast put vegemite or peanut butter on it” so the problem is probably with me more than the kids. They also refuse to wear long pants and warm clothes and want the heaters left on all day. Seems to be a sign of the times but sure can piss me off.

  2. Love this article, Karen. You may not be used to expanding on the other side of life but you’ve done a fabulous job with this great piece. It was easy to smile all through your clever prose but I laughed out loud at the partial plate section – oh, yes, I know that very well, although I don’t have a problem with Mars Bars – too sickly sweet for me – but I always have to down a glass of water after I’ve eaten, not because I’m thirsty but to get rid of all the crumbs taking up residence under my plate! Great article – well done!! xx

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