Weddings are not always the dream we imagine. In fact, some come a long, long way below our expectations. Some end in fights, or are destroyed by an ‘evil’ weather blast like one I saw on film once. A blizzard took the tent down. There are weddings where the groom throws up over the priest, or the bride sets fire to her veil… yes, we have all heard such stories of disasters.
We once went to a friend’s wedding – not someone we knew well – but we went along as you do, with our smart clothes and gift. The bridegroom was looking nervous and then the bride arrived in full glory, with her a sad-looking man who was sobbing. It was the father of the bride. Ah ‘how sweet’ we thought, he really loves his daughter. He took his place and mopped his eyes a bit, then as the vows were taken and the young couple beamed at each other, he began crying loudly again. This went on through the rest of the day. It continued as we ate the ham salads; the pineapple cheesecakes, vol au vents, and sugared almonds. It continued during speeches made by others. As we left he was staring at a whisky, he had been unable to give his speech at all. I often wonder if that marriage lasted, if there was something he knew that no one else did.
The next interesting wedding was that of a neighbour’s daughter, we knew it was about to happen as we had talked about it and given a gift over the fence. Later, on the morning of the wedding, they came over to say they had some spare places, due to a family mix-up (actually a rift), and would we like to come? So, out with the glad rags again, and a swift spruce-up to get there by 2pm. We arrived at the church with minutes to spare, but only the minister stood at the altar. Not a sign of the wedding party. So we made small talk with the nice man. Eventually, after about 10 minutes, they arrived, some in jeans or track pants, looking like they had just milked the cows – they had been out having a smoke .They looked like two different tribes: one side dressed for work, the other dressed for a ball, complete with long, sweeping dresses. The reception was amazing, the dances spectacular, and I was pleased we left before the fights started. It was a family with a few issues to sort out. The last I heard they were still together, though.
The next wedding a friend told me about, apparently it went off smoothly enough; glamorous bride, fantastic service and beautiful reception. Speeches were being organised, but before the bridegroom could get up, the bride spoke out. “I am going to speak, not the bridegroom….” She began, “And as a thank you I can first thank the bridesmaid for sleeping with my husband on buck’s night. That’s it, the marriage is over.” Did she wait so that she got to wear the dress and not waste the food? Who knows!
Another delightful friend, who always looks a million dollars, attended her niece’s wedding. She had some misgivings, but decided to go and support the family. The wedding was in a small church in the suburbs and, to save money, the couple had decided to cater for the reception. We did he same for our daughter’s wedding and it went beautifully. So my elegant friend duly arrived with a suitable gift, and then they went back to the new house on a bleak housing estate. They were ushered into a dusty garage. There were a few wooden tables, and no food or drink. The groom went in and made an attempt at making a sandwich or two. He then put out a bottle of wine and half a dozen beers. As she had offered help, and would have happily done it for them, my friend was a bit miffed. The couple were both working in well-paid jobs, but smoked and drank a fair bit of their wages away. Thankfully though, everyone had enough. Mainly because a kindly soul went out and bought pizzas and take-away all round. A few wine casks from the local supermarket and all was well. Her fairy godmother act of kindness over, my friend was glad to leave. The next plan for that family? A tattoo each, and one planned for their baby after she is christened. My friend thinks she might give that celebration a miss.
And please, just so you know, I am not being critical of any of these people, I’m just describing how diverse weddings can be…
Do you have any funny, crazy or just plain bizarre wedding stories you can share? Tell us in the comments below…