The need to pee 13



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A friend recently related the old yarn about a little girl walking into the scrub where she saw a boy having a pee. “My word,” she said, “what a handy thing to bring to a picnic!” That set me thinking… It is a ‘handy thing to bring to a picnic’ but its use may sometimes be fraught with risk.

And perhaps I should add many an actual happening is funnier than a comedy script!


Competitive by nature

Boys will always be boys. Back in the late 1940s, my mate and I climbed scaffolding on a local church. Realising there was a lot of sand below for the mixing of mortar, we saw the chance for a ‘blokey’ competition.

Men reading this will smile in understanding; women will almost certainly shake their heads in despair. Here was a perfect opportunity to see which of us could pee furthest or make the best pattern or, perhaps, the deepest hole in the sand. At eight or nine years of age, totally unrehearsed, we already knew the rules. Let the games begin! But suddenly, in mid-flow – and doing pretty well, I might add! – I realised the minister’s wife had come out the side door of their house. She looked up, saw us and said something in her rich brogue that I understood in part… but took a few more years to realise what else was inferred:

“Go on, awa’ wi’ ye, laddies. But ye’re more than welcome to return in ten year…”


All lit up

It was night time. We were interstate, driving. I was uncomfortable with a full bladder. My partner was asleep, softly snoring. Pressure became necessity. I needed to find somewhere to pull over and ease the load. A busy B-road between two major country cities, decency and courtesy suggested I seek a little privacy from the questing headlights of passing traffic.

I saw the perfect spot while rounding a curve: A good wide verge and trees up a slight slope. Parking well off the road, I quickly ventured up the rise. Nearing the treeline, I unzipped and commenced proceedings. Passing headlights flashed across me so I moved further forward into the trees. As I did, I triggered some type of electronic device and suddenly found myself standing proud, floodlit, near a multi-strand barbed security fence. Peeing.

I realised I’d be in full silhouette to every passing vehicle. I laughed then at the ‘Lights! Action! Camera!’ aspect of it, as I do while writing this a year later!

Come to think of it, perhaps it was all recorded for posterity and ‘they’, too, laugh at it yet!


By the sea

It was several years back; I was walking some kilometres along a beach when the need took me. Urgently. A good number of people were about on the day but there was a gap in each direction. I stepped in between a couple of low dunes and did what I needed to do in metre-high grass and sedge while keeping watch for passers by.

Turning to depart, I realised my right foot was both warm and wet. No, it wasn’t due to poor aim! The stream had hit and bent one of the broad blades of grass, funnelling straight back down into my boot! Oh well, it is no hardship walking barefoot through sand.


So you see, girls, although we blokes don’t need to concern ourselves about where to put a handbag, whether the toilet seat’s clean or not (or even if there is a seat), whether there’s paper available or if we have to scrabble around in our bag for a spare tissue, plus all the ease-the-bladder considerations you have, there are other traps involved with having such a handy picnic facility.

Somehow, though, I doubt I will elicit any sympathies from you.


Tell us, do you have any sympathies for him? What are you thoughts on the matter, ladies?

John Reid

  1. My grandmother always thought it was a handy little gadget for picnics too so in our family its always been ” the handy little gadget”☺️ ☺️ ❤️

  2. Yeah John. I can relate to that. Being able to pee standing up allows us blokes to experiment and have fun in ways that are denied to the girls.

  3. I live on a highway in Central Qld. Men don’t seem to worry that our house is near the road. They simply pull over and let it all hang out so to speak. Once a whole bus full stopped nearby and relieved themselves. I have decided that men don’t worry about modesty.

  4. I’d happily swap for convenience. Once on a long haul across the nullabour I was desperate. Pulled over and squatted. Awkward but unknown in the dark I was in middle of prickle bushes which found their way inside my knickers I had a raw bum at the end of the ride. Saw as.

    1 REPLY
    • Girls you just need a shewee, a funnel like device that you can use to be able to pee standing. I took mine to china ,no need to squat !!!!

  5. A friends mum in her 70s walking together in the scrub needed a pee walked off the bush track pull down her nickers and had a pee in front of a football team. We’re still laughing.

  6. And then there’s ……….the little boy who came home from swimming lessons with a note written by swimming instructor………..”your son has been banned from lessons for the rest of the term!” Father asked his son why. Son..”i peed in the pool”. Father..”most little boys do that at some stage, I’ll ring the instructor”. Father..”so my son peed in the pool, it’s a bit harsh to ban him for that”! Instructor..yes….but, he was on the top diving board at the time!”

  7. There is an accessory, that enables ladies to urinate while standing up It is a specially shaped funnel and tube that can be worn under the clothes .It was designed for sportswomen involved in soccer so they could slip off the field, duck behind a tree and do it standing .
    Cant for the life of me remember the name of it .

    1 REPLY
    • Hi Ian

      I believe it’s called a ‘she wee’ was given one but have never tried to use it.. believe you need to practise a bit first so you keep dry!

  8. As the wise Eskimo said never eat yellow snow

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