‘Life’s fluctuating friendships’

As we move through life, we have friendships, groups who surround us, support us and become a backdrop to work, family life and fun.

Starting married life can be a testing time, especially if we move away physically (and or mentally) from the friends we had. For me, it was a 12,000-mile (nearly 20,000-kilometre) leap, as we moved from England to New Zealand just three months after our wedding. I went from being a shy 19-year-old with a few school friends, to a wife in a new country, left in a rented flat knowing no one at all. This was 1959 and communication was primitive. Family was too far away to help us.

When the babies came along we moved into a new house and that made a huge difference. We had new neighbours who all supported one other. Back in those days, helping each other was a very important thing. We concreted our own driveways and painted our roofs, as it was a new estate and this helped to keep costs down. Each couple did what they could to assist with the jobs, until all the roofs were painted and all the driveways made tidy. Within a few months we had firm friends and were sharing meals and parties. It was a happy time.

I had two babies in 18 months and relied on the wisdom of the older mothers to help me. I had no family to back me up, so I learnt fast. I loved our new house, with three big bedrooms, a large garden and – bliss for me – a laundry. From these friends I learnt how to make lemon curd, whitebait fritters, seafood chowder, the words to some Maori songs, an attempt at the Poi dance, and how to drink! I had my first alcoholic wine from the vineyards beyond Auckland. We had evenings out and – as it was ‘prohibition’ – we drank wine from the tea cups they supplied to disguise it! No alcohol was allowed with dinner.

Our beautiful friends gave us some fun times. I remember my 21st birthday: I’d just come home from the hospital with our daughter when they arrived in twos and threes and put on a totally catered party for me! As I fed my new baby and put on a dress, they served up food and drinks. It was a great party with wonderful friends.

We headed back to England with three children in tow. This was the bleakest period for me as I was again left on a my own all day while my husband went to work. I knew no one. By the time the youngest was two we had moved again to be near my husband’s new job. Then, as often happens, after months of only talking to the shop keeper and nearly going crazy, I met some other mothers when I took my daughter to school. One of them suggested I come to ‘Keep Fit’ classes. Wow – that changed my life! You wouldn’t think so… but it did.

I became a more liberated woman. I was 28 and now had children at school and nursery school. I loved my evenings of Keep Fit and the social time after. We arranged parties on the street where we lived and it became a much happier place to be. I keep in touch even now with one of those Keep Fit mums.

I began to get a little wilder and bought my first really short mini skirt. The swinging ’60s were impacting! From that home we then moved to a small village named Westwood (near Bath), with more friends, wilder parties and the happiest times ever. I look back and am so grateful for those years, the music, the shared fun, the beautiful Wiltshire countryside and the freedom our children had growing up.

We still have ties with those people and with that place. Our Westwood friends had a long influence on our lives. I am currently sending Christmas cards to them. We have lost some, as you do at this age. About six of that close band are no longer around. Two have succumbed to Alzheimer’s, yet we keep up our contact and rehash our wonderful memories when we talk or meet. We went back to Westwood a few times and met up in 2012. We even had a party that echoed ‘the old days’. Now it’s harder to get there. We just can’t travel like that.

Today our friends are here, in the small town of Yarram in Victoria. We have once again been blessed because this is such a friendly town. These friends suit this time in our life; but we never forget the ones we met in other places. We have a patchwork of people, made up of all life’s aspects: art, music, work. I would not change a thing, or a friend, and so I raise a glass to friendship.