Jim and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”
His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”
Jim says: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”
Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
“No I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when all of a sudden a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.
“Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really rich.”
Instantly, her rocking chair turns to solid gold.
“And, gee, I guess I wouldn’t mind being a young, beautiful princess.”
She turns into a beautiful young woman.
“Your third wish?” asks the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman’s cat wanders across the porch in front of them.
“Ooh… Can you change him into a handsome prince?” she asks.
And suddenly there before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear: “Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered.”
Bud and Jack were walking along the railroad tracks. Bud saw a man’s leg. “I think that’s Bill’s leg,” he said.
Then they saw a body. “I think that’s Bill’s body,” said Jack.
Walking on, they came to a head. Bud picked it up and started shaking it.
“Hey, Bill!” he said in a worried voice. “Bill, are you hurt?”
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