‘I feel pushed out’: Gran’s heartbreak at being kept away from new grandson

A heartbroken grandmother has revealed her distress over the lack of “alone time” she has been permitted to have with her new grandson, claiming her daughter-in-law has been keeping her at arm’s length since the birth.

Posting on popular online forum site Gransnet, the woman revealed that she and her husband, who are both retired, live close to their son and his wife, but that “everything has been met with a no” when they have offered to care for their only grandchild.

Identifying herself online as ‘Sadgranma’, she wrote: “I am on my knees hoping for a miracle. Ever since my grand baby was born, my dil has been doing every thing in her power to keep me away. She doesn’t invite me around when she’s on leave – and then I get stuck seeing pictures of HER parents getting to come over on social media. 

“She doesn’t allow anyone to post photos of my grandchild. I got reprimanded when I posted once after seeing HER post a photo.  And now she intends to keep my grandchild at home on Christmas morning when in the past she has come to my home to celebrate. 

“She’s booked my grandchild into full time daycare even when I told her I would happily care for him whenever she needed – whether it be 1 day a week or 5. 

I feel pushed out and away and am not sure how to go about getting more alone time with my only grandchild.”

Read more: ‘My mother refuses to see her grandson because I didn’t invite her to birth’.

Responses flooded in from empathetic grandparents, with many revealing they have found themselves in a similar position. One wrote: “It’s an all too familiar situation with DIL’s sadly so you are not alone. I don’t know what the answer is I wish I knew, I would say speak to your son if you have a good relationship but try to keep calm and continue to offer support. I don’t see my granddaughter as often as I would like too but I work and appreciate that they have their own lives too so I look after her once a week and baby sit in between if needed.”

Another said: “Most new mum’s tend to gravitate towards their own parents in the early days, it’s where she will feel most comfortable. Both of my daughters now have little ones and, since the children were born, they have stayed in their own homes for Christmas day. Try to remember, they are building their own little family, making happy memories, just like we did.

“Please try to step back a little and, with time and patience on all sides, I’m sure you will be able to build a lovely relationship with the baby.”

However not everyone was sympathetic towards the woman’s plight, with many people suggesting that her selfish and “overbearing” attitude could be the reason that she is being kept away, pointing out her repeated use of the phrase “my grandchild”.

One user said: “Perhaps your dil feels like you are trying to take over though. You have put that she intends to keep ‘My grandchild’ at home on Christmas morning , booked ‘My grandchild’ into daycare and, that you haven’t taken him to his baby class. Of course he is ‘your grandchild’ but, he is their son.”

While another said: “Her child her rules apply, just support her and offer help when needed and things will improve, don’t insist on ‘my grandchild’ he’s THEIR son and I’m sure you wanted to be the one who brought up YOUR son your way so try to understand where you’re going wrong and step back.”

What are your thoughts on this story? Have you ever found yourself in a similar position?