Debate as expert claims parents should discipline other people’s kids

It’s a debate that has divided parents for decades – is it ever really okay to discipline a child that’s not your own?

Now, a parenting expert has spoken out and insisted it’s every parent, grandparent or carer’s “responsibility” to step in, guide and teach all children – whether they’re their own or not.

Mother-of-two Sarah appeared on Channel 9’s Today show on Monday to debate the issue with expert Dr Justin Coulson, and shared her own recent experience with the issue.

Having taken her two children to the park – one of whom was just 12 months old – she watched as her son played in front of her with a toy car. Noticing another boy was approaching him, she watched on as he tried to steal her son’s car – but he clung on and refused to give it up.

It led to the other boy shoving Sarah’s son and grabbing him, while the other boy’s own mother did nothing to intervene. Sarah admitted she “froze” for a moment, unsure of what she should do and if she would overstep the mark if she scolded the child.

Eventually, she loudly told her son directly that it was “okay”, and the other boy’s mum would tell him off – which was enough to make him let go, but sadly, not enough to spark his own mum into action. She was on the show to ask where the boundaries lie, and whether she’d have been right to say something herself.

Do you think it is ever okay to discipline other people's children? #9Today pic.twitter.com/G6kglWZFWd

— The Today Show (@TheTodayShow) April 22, 2018

Responding to her worries, Coulson said society tends to see discipline as a harsh measure, but it can be viewed in different ways depending on how you define the word itself.

Read more: Gran asks if it is ever okay to discipline someone else’s grandchild

“It’s really important that we intervene, but the question of discipline comes down to definitions and I don’t want to get too academic,” he explained. “In simple terms, a lot of people think discipline means punish, which means we’re going to go and hurt someone, right?”

He added: “I don’t think that any of us want somebody else to hurt our child. That means we shouldn’t be hurting someone else’s.”

Coulson insisted, instead of seeing it as harsh, parents should see it as an opportunity to guide and teach children – ever if they’re not their own.

“If you look at what discipline actually means, you look up the etymology of the word, where it came from, it comes from the word ‘disciple’, which means to teach, or to guide, or to instruct,” he said.

Drumming that message home more, he insisted every parent had a duty to step in and teach other children, if they see they’re not being guided in the right way at that time. He added: “Every single one of us has a social requirement to intervene, and to teach, to guide and to instruct. Whether it’s our children, or somebody else’s. We’ve got a social obligation to do that.”

That being said, he recommended parents make it very clear they’re not there to “hurt or punish”, but just to separate them and restore peace.

Coulson claims the problem only becomes more complex when it’s men who are trying to intervene, and it’s almost always a “big no no”. He said: “At least as a mum, you can step in and not be seen as nearly as threatening”.

It sparked a wide debate from viewers, as one woman, Anne-Marie, wrote in and said: “It takes a village to raise a child. I’ve told other children off before and their parents have thanked me for it.”

Meanwhile, another viewer, Samantha, agreed and added: “If I leave my child in someone’s care, then I’d expect them to discipline my child if they see fit.”

However, not everyone was on side, and taking to Twitter one user wrote: “Hate When People Try To Tell Me How To Discipline My Child.”

Sarah said she’s noticed a difference herself between parents and grandparents. Recounting one of her own experiences, she said she was at the shops around Easter with her son – who is asthmatic and was on some steroids at the time – was having a “tantrum” due to being more emotional on the drugs.

Read more: Should grandparents discipline grandchildren?

She explained that an “older lady” eventually came over and said to her son: “Did you see that? That was the Easter bunny, he’s not coming to you because you’re not listening to your mum.” 

Sarah admitted she was shocked and hurt by it, saying it was “uncalled for”, but insisted she’d still expect a grandparent or older relative to tell a child they’re being naughty if they’re the one caring for them at that time.

However, rather than trying to “influence someone else’s parenting”, Sarah said she’d choose to offer them a smile instead – conveying that they’re in it together.

So, what do you think? Should parents and grandparents step in to discipline a child that it not their own? Or should they stay out of it and keep their thoughts to themselves?