‘A breakthrough moment: What I’d say in a letter to my younger self’

I was recently asked to think about what I might tell my ‘younger self’. Looking back to those early days, a time that really stands out for me was when I was 16. What would I say to that girl now?

My mother had died 18 months earlier and I remained stoic in my support for my younger sister, but I never asked for help. I should have. My father and grandmother were struggling with their grief though and there were no support networks available then.

When I was 19 I travelled to New Zealand. It was the first step in my ‘grand plan’, but I didn’t get much further. I met my husband, had two sons. Looking back now, I would not have done a thing differently; I loved my time in NZ.

What would I tell my 26-year-old self, who had just arrived in Brisbane with her three-year-old and nine-week-old baby in tow? Go with the flow, seems to be an obvious choice. We established a home, worked, educated our children and, because finances were tough, went camping for holidays.

Going with the flow would have put me in good stead for what was to come. By the time I’d turned 40, my marriage had ended. My boys were now in their teens and I had to house and support them.

There were multiple stressors in my life at that time, which took their toll. I got sick. I often think about if I could have or should have done anything differently, but the conclusion I come to is ‘no’.

I lost everything at the age of 55. I was under a lot of pressure and it all became too much. Everything I had worked hard for over the years was gone. I very much doubt I could have done anything to stop it.

I’m now 65 years old. I’ve had significant illnesses, cancer being one of them. Could I have changed that? Again, no.

When I think about my life and the experiences (and challenges) I’ve had, one piece of advice I would give to that young girl would be to live each day as if it was her last, because it could have been. She needs to know that she has to tell those she loves that she loves them, and she needs to do if often. ‘Seize the day!’ as someone smart once said.

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