3 hilarious jokes about going away on holiday

Daily Joke: An older lady was at the railing of a cruise ship

An older lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.”

“But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied: “Sir, anything you see down there is 82 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”

Daily Joke: Harry was on holiday in the Middle East

Harry was on holiday in the Middle East with his wife, children and mother-in-law. During a visit to Jerusalem, his mother-in-law unexpectedly died.

With a death certificate in his hand, he was making preparations to fly his mother-in-law’s body home for a proper burial.

The funeral director over the phone informed Harry this was possible, but that it would cost a lot of money. In fact, flying the mother-in-law’s body home would cost $50,000.

The other option was for Harry to bury his mother-in-law’s body in Jerusalem at a cost of just $100.

Harry thought long and hard and finally came to a conclusion.

“I don’t care how much it costs, I want to send the body back home. It’s what I need to do.”

The funeral director told Harry he must have loved and cared for his mother-in-law a lot.

“No, that’s not it at all,” Harry said. “You see, I know a case many years ago of a man who was buried in Jerusalem. On the third day, he rose from the dead. I can’t take that chance with my mother-in-law.”

Daily Joke: An older woman almost all of her holiday sunbathing

An older woman spent almost all of her holiday sunbathing on the roof of the hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, being a naturist, she decided that no one could see her all the way up there, so she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She’d hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She quickly pulled a towel over her as they approached.

“Excuse me, ma’am,” said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. “The hotel doesn’t mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday.”

“What difference does it make,” the woman asked rather calmly. “No one can see me up here, and besides, I’m covered with a towel.”

“Not exactly,” said the embarrassed man. “You’re lying on the dining room skylight.”