Battling a Benzo

I can only say – I made a mistake. Against my better judgement I put my trust in the medical profession when, in the middle of an extremely stressful period of my life, I agreed to take a low dose of diazepam (Valium) to help with chronic pain.  But I hated the spaced out feelings. I would just sit and stare out the window for hours and not want to do anything.

So I stopped taking it. Bad move! I woke up eight days later feeling sick – very sick. I felt dreadful but a few days later I took myself to a new doctor and said “I think I am having withdrawal symptoms from Valium.” We agreed that it was probably best to keep going through the cold turkey but it wasn’t easy. It took another month until I felt half normal and could eat again, but it wasn’t long before I gave up (when the chronic pain resurfaced). I needed relief from that little pill!

A benzodiazepine drug like Valium is not something that anyone in their right mind would willingly choose to go into battle with. But to regain some semblance of a decent quality of life, it’s something that many of us have to do. It’s actually more like a war than a battle but it has to be waged, one skirmish at a time, slowly with discipline, planning, and as much strength as you can muster or you just won’t win.

The benzodiazepines class of minor tranquillisers, commonly known as benzos, that include brand names Valium, Xanax, Ativan, Serapax, Normison, and Mogadon to name a few, are some of the most insidious prescription drugs that can led to physiological dependence. So what exactly is going on? It is known as iatrogenic (medically induced) physiological dependence. There are possibly hundreds of thousands of people out there in the community  like me who are now suffering, first from the physiological dependence, then tolerance that can build up over time when the body gets used to the drug, then finally the horrendous withdrawal symptoms if you decide to reduce the dose or stop taking it altogether.

How can such a predicament occur? I suspect it is partly due to the ease of obtaining these drugs through local doctors who don’t have much experience with benzo dependence or the time to help patients deal with chronic pain, anxiety, or depression by more natural or drug-free alternatives and the deep-seated belief in our culture that taking a pill can be a cure for anything. For the last 50 years or so we have been encouraged to believe that just about anything can be cured with a pill, and the pharmaceutical industry is making big money from it and so it continues. Few people, I imagine, are aware of the insidious nature of prescription drug dependence; it just seems to creep up on you while you are not watching. Just because a drug is prescribed by a doctor for a legitimate reason does not mean it is 100 per cent safe.

At the moment I am in the middle of my battle with benzo dependence. It’s not easy. I am now micro-tapering, reducing only about .05 mg at a time with a diazepam suspension. It is hard to believe that you have to reduce so slowing with such a minute amount every week or so to keep on top of the withdrawals.

I would like to think that given time and patience I will be living a benzo-free life without too much stress and overload from the damage done to my nervous system, but I am a realist and know this journey is probably going to be a long and hard one. I will keep micro-tapering and, having read stories of others who have successfully navigated their way through to a better place, I keep positive.

But I also know, like many things in life, it’s one day at a time. 

Have you had an experience like Jenny’s?