To my ex husband 456



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If I was a man, I would never have behaved the way you did during our marriage. I would never have made the choices you made because they were all so self indulgent with absolutely no consideration towards myself and the children. I would never have made promises to you unless I intended to keep them. I would never have disappeared for days at a time. I would never have argued and fought and made you feel worthless, I would never have threatened you with violence. I guess you never loved me

If I was a man, I would never have left you laying in bed unable to move screaming for help; I would not have walked out that door. The neighbours would not have to step in and help you. If I was a man you would not have been screaming, I would have been there beside you holding your hand waiting for the ambulance, I would have been there to help and support you through all your surgeries. I would have made sure the children felt secure and not have to worry that they were going to lose you. I would not have slept with your friends, I would never have done that to you, I would have stood by your side no matter what.

If I was a man, I would have taken the kids to their sports, I would have taught them how to fish, taught them how to play cricket, kicked a ball around the back yard with them, I would have helped them with their homework. I would have listened to them, they would have known they were loved by me, they would have been proud to call me Dad.

If I was a man, I would not have turned my back and walked away so many times to be in the arms of so many others, and I would certainly not have had the electricity cut off and left you and the kids in darkness. I don’t know why you did the things you did. I guess you never loved me.

If I was a man, I would not have stopped payments on the house, I would have made sure you and the kids had a home, I would never have hidden bank accounts from you. I would have made sure you and the kids were well cared for. I would have never have missed months of child support because I was on overseas holidays when I knew you were struggling. I guess you never loved me.

If I was a man, considering so many years have passed I would not say “I always loved you” because that is such a cowardly thing to say and we both know your actions said the opposite. Your actions did not make me feel loved, your actions made me feel fear, made me doubt myself, made me nervous, made me anxious – your actions made me doubt my sanity.

If I was a man, my life and the lives of our children would have been filled with love and laughter and adventure, but I am not a man, and neither are you!

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Guest Contributor

  1. Wow! what a powerful letter, after what she has been through, to be able to share these feeling in a letter to the most unworthy person, she is the lucky one to be released from this scumbag, my your future be full of happier times and lots of love. You are a very powerful woman…

  2. There comes a time to get it OUT THERE! These pent up thoughts continue for many years unless you do. WELL DONE! I find myself full of envy as here I am just this week,35yrs after divorce waking with. Dreams of all you have mentioned unable to get it said.congratulations

    1 REPLY
    • Hi, did your EX ever read this about himself treating you the way he did? Would probably come into his deaf and dumb brain. Some men just don’t get it! Very selfish. Karma will come to him.
      I hope your life now is happier, may be hard at times but you won’t be sorry and never look back. Good luck and good living.

  3. Brave lady. Thankyou for letting us know how it is for some families. My prayers for a happier life for you and your children.

  4. Hear! Hear!

    1 REPLY
    • Thank you for posting your letter. Good luck to you and the kids, God Bless you all. I’ve been divorced 12 years and your letter has given me closure.

  5. Brings back painful memories. Time healed for me, found happiness. Wonder if these guys ever really have regret for the sadness and heartache they caused especially to their children.

    3 REPLY
    • No they don’t; my father stills believes he was the best father ever….in fact he and his new wife believe that he should get father of the year(even though two of his kids no longer have anything to do with him, he has a strained relationsip with the third and doesn’t see his grand daughter) and we are to blame for what he the abuse we got from him.

    • I don’t believe that these men ever regret anything. I myself have recently escaped a marriage of same, and are going through the trials of separating my life from him.
      I have learned that many of these types are sociopaths, and will and can’t ever change.
      I suggest a good read of the website “LoveFraud” as it gives much information as to how these predators think, and to their mission in life.
      I take my hat off to the letter written, it may not have any effect on him, however, the fact that this lady had the guts to write truth shows strength and an honest heart.

  6. Sounds a lot of years and heartaches. You must feel better to write the anger and pain out in words. It does get better with time. I suffered for years and stayed. Still here but am fortunate things turned around for us and we’re happy. Was a challenge. Good luck. Hopefully you’ve got good friends and family to be there now for you.

    1 REPLY

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