The best of 2016: Real stories about sex after 60

Last week I outlined four groups that ‘Sex after Sixty’ issues relate to married women, married men, single women and
Opinion

Last week I outlined four groups that ‘Sex after Sixty’ issues relate to married women, married men, single women and single men. Within these groups there are people who still have sex and those that don’t.

I’ve asked eight people from these groups over 60 about their sex lives. The answers from the eight people interviewed, give an indication of what is happening in the bedrooms of the over-60s.

Group 1: Married women who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your husband, do you enjoy sex with him? How often would you have sex with him? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Dana, 66: Yes my husband and I still have sex. I have to admit I don’t enjoy it as much as I did 15-20 years ago. We have sex every couple of weeks. I feel my husband is more interested in the act than me. I often lie there thinking of what my mother used to say, ‘Lay back and think of England’. The whole act usually takes about 3 minutes and he is virtually snoring when he rolls off. I lie there for hours wondering what happened to romance. I often have sex with him when I need him to do things around the house, or when I feel I’ve run out of excuses. No way on earth would I want to have sex with another. I couldn’t think of anything worse.

Group 1: Married women who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your husband, can you tell me why? When did sex with him cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Allison, 64: He’s a selfish pig. He only thinks of himself and he’s not at all involved in the family. I can hardly stand the sight of him. Most of the time he just lies on the sofa with a can in his hand. Sex went out the window when I hit menopause. That was when I shut down. He had no understanding of what I went through. He just told me to get over it. He used to say, ‘Get over it or get out’. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere. He now sleeps in the spare room and he knows better than to try and touch me. I’ve wondered about how I would feel with another man, but after this one and at my age no way.

Group 2: Married men who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your wife, do you enjoy sex with her? How often would you have sex with her? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Frank, 68: Yes I still have sex with my wife but it’s getting more difficult now to find her in the right mood. Sex with her is still okay, although if I had a choice I’d rather have sex with the spunk next door. We have sex about once a month or so depending on her aches and pains. I’ve had affairs with other women over the years. I’m only human. Nowadays temptation is at every turn.

Group 2: Married men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your wife; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity with her cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Richard, 69: She’s impossible, never let’s up on me. Negativity all the way, how I was ever attracted to her astounds me. I’ve given up, it’s not worth the hassle. It would be about ten years now since we had any contact. I don’t think I would have the confidence to wander. She’s almost convinced me I’d be no use to anyone. I’m out of shape and fairly heavy so I think that would be an issue as well.

Group 3: Single women who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Sandra, 65: Yes I am, I enjoy sex. Although since my divorce I’ve realised that if you want to have interest from a man then not being sexually available isn’t an option. In a way I think this is why at my age I’m still sexually active. I would have sex as often as I have dates to be honest. I don’t have a regular partner. I have several men who I see. I seem to attract the guy who’s in town on business every now and again and in a way nowadays this suits me. I don’t think I could stand a man around 24/7.

Group 3: Single women who are not sexually active

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Janet 61: I’m sorry to say I don’t have a sex life. It’s because I have low self esteem especially since my husband traded me for a 35-year-old from the Philippines six years ago. I’d put on a lot of weight during menopause and he starting calling me a fat slob. I withdrew and that’s when the marriage started to turn sour. If I could get myself together and lose some weight, I may consider getting involved if anyone would have me.

Group 4: Single men who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Robert, 65: I sure am sexually active — it’s great out there, lots of choices. I love sex — is the pope a Catholic!? I don’t get enough; it takes time and effort to get women into bed. Although, the older ones are much easier than the younger ones! I’m not with a regular partner. I’ve been married and divorced twice. Lost the kids, the house and the super. So not going there again. With the internet the supply is endless, so why buy when you can rent.

Group 4: Single men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Les, 66: No I’m no longer interested in women. Women are too hard, and their expectations are unrealistic. I gave up on the opposite sex years ago. I used prostitutes for a while but decided to give them a miss as well. I don’t think I’ll ever be involved intimately with a woman again. My health is not wonderful now so I can’t see anyone decent wanting to take me on.

* * *

It would seem that there is conflict between the sexes at any age. The issues are just slightly different for the over-60s. Lack of romance, grudges from past events, lack of interest, aches and pains, temptation elsewhere, lack of fitness, weight issues, needing space, being traded for a younger model, multiple divorces, unrealistic expectations and of course health.

For me, I’m now extremely happy that I have a small close family that love and respect me, and a select group of devoted friends who think I’m a clever, caring woman. If a suitable and honest man turns up every now and then that‘s a bonus. But having a regular partner no longer defines me. Anyway… What man fantasises about a fling with a 70-year-old woman?

This piece was originally published on Starts at 60 as ‘Are you still having sex? Real stories shared’. It was one of our most popular contributions by the Starts at 60 community in 2016.

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  1. Dang!  

    I’d have sex every night if I had a partner who wanted to, and liked to please me and be pleased himself. I’m 60, single woman. Been this way all my life, huge libido. Not sure I’d marry again, though; the two times I’ve been married, I’ve financially supported my partner each time, and I can’t afford that if I’m ever going to retire.

    • I’m like you would have it every day if I could , I’m 60 but still love it and woman !!!!

  2. Alec McCracken  

    I found the article very interesting, although I would have preferred to have read interviews with more than just one person in each group in order to gain a better idea of what was the norm. After reading this, I consider myself to be very lucky …..

    • Dee  

      I completely agree, this
      cannot be called research based
      on person in each category being interviewed. And it lacks any exploration, examination and analysis. A Year 10 student (UK education system) could have done better. I hope she wasn’t paid for this nonsense.

  3. Peter  

    This is so very interresting, there is nothing like the closeness of sex with a women, it brings the best out in both, especially when each satisfie the other, that is just so very important, there should be no wam bam thank you mam, the whole key is foreplay, and practice makes a master, this goes for both sexes, the ride will be explosive,

  4. linus  

    I m with Peter there is a lot of people we hang out with that are active in & out of bed. So sorry for the rest. Health and neglect seem to be the biggest issues with my non active friends.

  5. Janncam  

    This article is basically meaningless…as is the study. The responses of 8 participants is not nearly enough people from which to draw any conclusion about this topic…
    Write it again when you’ve talked to 800, or even better 8000.

  6. Stephen  

    I agree with the lack of only one person per group within the discussion, so there is probably a book and this was a sample; never-the-less it did open a door of consideration.
    I am male 69, single and a devout Christian although not churched, twice divorced and living alone with my dog. Presently my health and thus weight are not good, but improving gradually.
    Not purely from a sexual perspective, but also (that is ALSO) from friendship/companionship and sharing considerations I would love a wife with a healthy and active sexual outlook.
    I tried web dating, but there is an inherent pressure that gives little time to actually get to know someone as a person before becoming “betrothed”, so as a Christian I shall have to trust that God will bring me the right lady to grow our remaining years with.

  7. Mike  

    I am not “well endowed” so I learned how to use my fingers and tongue at an early age. I was blessed that my first lover was in her thirties and taught me how to please her in every way. Love was NOT an issue. I had many partners in my younger years and my wife invited her girlfriends into our bed to “show off” her “clever” husband, but that ended badly as suddenly she realized she was not as good a lover as she thought. Now at 68 I have become more selective because women over 50 seem too clingy and younger women are mostly terrible lovers. But sex is still a very important part of my life.

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