The battle of the bingo wings and botox 119



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Why people get Botox injected into themselves is beyond me – they all start to look the same after a few hits. They become odd-looking 20 year olds; their hands, however, retain the truth. Madonna looks younger than her daughter and she is dating a boy, a man child who would be far more suited for her daughter. I could see her at dinner with her toy boy, he would be thinking, “Oh man this chick is so rich and so hot”, then she would sensually take a small amount of paleo, Atkins or raw (or whatever the hell food is the latest trend in Hollywood) to her mouth, and he would see her hands and yell “Grandma!”. Game over for Madonna unless of course she decides to buy him something expensive to blunt the trauma.

Reality is money and sex rules the world, Madonna wants sex with a man child in a pathetic effort to keep feeling young. The man child wants the money and prestige of dating Madonna so he will overlook the “Nanna hands” if the dollars are high enough – it is a trade off.

I often wonder how she expresses herself. What if her dog died or if she was terrified or happy or if she was in pain? She would look sensational through it all. She would have to literally tell people how she was feeling – it’s been quite a while since anybody has seen an expression cross that face.

The Botox fans all seem to have their photos taken front on, never side on, all the fillers they have put in their lips make them look more like a duck’s bum than a trout pout.

Butt enhancements and boob jobs are another matter; they make sense to a lot of older people. Having gone through menopause myself, my butt along with my boobs have gone south, and it’s not a seasonal thing: my boobs have been looking for dropped coins for years and the way things are going I would not be surprised if I am sitting on my spine by the time I reach 70 – gravity can be a harsh reality. With my disappearing butt and my growing stomach, I think I will have no option but to start wearing my sensible Millers pedal pushers back to front to accommodate the tragic reality that my body gas has become.

I often wonder, do all these celebrities have to be disassembled when they pass, to take out all of the added extras only to be reassembled to be cremated? Because I really don’t like the idea of that at all and I really must remember to get the latest Ikea catalogue. If all my woes add up to growing old gracefully, well I totally have it covered, but in saying that I did see some magic stuff advertised on TV this morning: guaranteed to make all the lines and wrinkles disappear. Apparently it will make me look 20 years younger as it keeps them all away for 10 hours. I want some of that! I could have a lot of fun with a product like that – it would confuse the hell out of a lot of people.

I don’t want arms like Madonna, but I am not really winning the battle of the bingo wings. I feel my only option there is to get “Legs Eleven” tattooed on one arm; “Clickety Click 66” on the other. People think I am crazy, so I may as well get some mileage out of it! Crazy Nanny, over and out!

Do you agree with Christine? What do you think of all the plastic surgery that you see? Would you do it? Tell us below.

Christine Massey

I am a 61-year-old dysfunctional child of a problem mother. I tend to look at the world with the philosophy "Laugh hard, you could be dead tomorrow!"

  1. Yes I thought she was talking about me. I think Botox is hilarious when you see a face with no expression and the mouth moving. It looks as though the face has been cemented with a clear covering.
    But each for their own – it’s not my cup of tea and I certainly don’t like how my breasts point South but what the heck. I just wear clothes that make me feel gorgeous and smile heaps.

  2. If I was very brave and could afford it, I would have my boobs put back where they were once were, for the rest……..nah give it a miss.

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    • Go braless, gravity will pull the wrinkles off of your face. It’s said that Cher had so many facelifts that they were worried that the next time they lifted she would have a goatee beard.

  3. Finally I get to appreciate being endowed with a small cleavage. So far so good, despite breastfeeding one child. It is natural aging process for me, including the grey streaks in my hair.

  4. Pathetic the vanity of people. As for boobs whatever they look like if they r healthy is all that matters

  5. LOL. Bingo Wings? I’ve never heard that expression before. So now I know what I’m suffering from. Thanks Christine and SA60, I’ve had a cry and now a good laugh all in the matter of a few minutes.

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  6. I’ve just bought my 3rd perky silicon breast ,luckily Medicare reimburses me !! My natural remaining breast is going well& I’m 70. Just need good fitting bra. Face holding up well

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    • When I read this I thought “who the hell would want 4 breasts?” then I realised one has been replaced 3 times – LOL

  7. Not sure if this is true but was told when I was doing intense gym training that “bingo wings” are mostly caused by fat storage for when the body is gearing up to feed a baby, so, badges of honour I think!

  8. No botox or nips and tucks for me, when I look at an older face with lines and wrinkles (including mine) I see a person who has lived a long life with many experiences both good and bad along the way. I can see lines from many years of laughter..I wear mine as a badge of honour!!

  9. We don’t know the long term side effects of botox and it is too too silly to put yourself through surgery for a natural process. One of the joys of life is aging gracefully and not worrying so much about the self. Look outwards and enjoy the world .

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