Are you still having sex? Real stories shared… [Sex after sixty] 226



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Last week I outlined four groups that ‘Sex after Sixty’ issues relate to married women, married men, single women and single men. Within these groups there are people who still have sex and those that don’t.

I’ve asked eight people from these groups over 60 about their sex lives. The answers from the eight people interviewed, give an indication of what is happening in the bedrooms of the over 60s.


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Group 1: Married women who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your husband, do you enjoy sex with him? How often would you have sex with him? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Dana 66: Yes my husband and I still have sex. I have to admit I don’t enjoy it as much as I did 15-20 years ago. We have sex every couple of weeks. I feel my husband is more interested in the act than me. I often lie there thinking of what my mother used to say, ‘Lay back and think of England’. The whole act usually takes about 3 minutes and he is virtually snoring when he rolls off. I lie there for hours wondering what happened to romance. I often have sex with him when I need him to do things around the house, or when I feel I’ve run out of excuses. No way on earth would I want to have sex with another. I couldn’t think of anything worse.

Group 1: Married women who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your husband, can you tell me why? When did sex with him cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Allison 64: He’s a selfish pig. He only thinks of himself and he’s not at all involved in the family. I can hardly stand the sight of him. Most of the time he just lies on the sofa with a can in his hand. Sex went out the window when I hit menopause. That was when I shut down. He had no understanding of what I went through. He just told me to get over it. He used to say, ‘Get over it or get out’. I told him I wasn’t going anywhere. He now sleeps in the spare room and he knows better than to try and touch me. I’ve wondered about how I would feel with another man, but after this one and at my age no way.

Group 2: Married men who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active with your wife, do you enjoy sex with her? How often would you have sex with her? Are you having sex outside your marriage?

Frank 68: Yes I still have sex with my wife but it’s getting more difficult now to find her in the right mood. Sex with her is still ok, although if I had a choice I’d rather have sex with the spunk next door. We have sex about once a month or so depending on her aches and pains. I’ve had affairs with other women over the years. I’m only human. Nowadays temptation is at every turn.

Group 2: Married men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active with your wife; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity with her cease? Would you consider having sex outside your marriage?

Richard 69: She’s impossible, never let’s up on me. Negativity all the way, how I was ever attracted to her astounds me. I’ve given up, it’s not worth the hassle. It would be about ten years now since we had any contact. I don’t think I would have the confidence to wander. She’s almost convinced me I’d be no use to anyone. I’m out of shape and fairly heavy so I think that would be an issue as well.

Group 3: Single women who are still sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Sandra 65: Yes I am, I enjoy sex. Although since my divorce I’ve realised that if you want to have interest from a man then not being sexually available isn’t an option. In a way I think this is why at my age I’m still sexually active. I would have sex as often as I have dates to be honest. I don’t have a regular partner. I have several men who I see. I seem to attract the guy who’s in town on business every now and again and in a way nowadays this suits me. I don’t think I could stand a man around 24/7.

Group 3: Single women who are not sexually active

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Janet 61: I’m sorry to say I don’t have a sex life. It’s because I have low self esteem especially since my husband traded me for a 35 year old from the Philippines six years ago. I’d put on a lot of weight during menopause and he starting calling me a fat slob. So I withdrew and that’s when the marriage started to turn sour. If I could get myself together and lose some weight, I may consider getting involved if anyone would have me.

Group 4: Single men who are still sexually active

Carole asked: You’re still sexually active; do you enjoy sex? How often would you have sex? Are you with a regular partner?

Robert 65: I sure am sexually active – it’s great out there, lots of choices. I love sex – is the pope a Catholic!? I don’t get enough; it takes time and effort to get women into bed. Although, the older ones are much easier than the younger ones! I’m not with a regular partner. I’ve been married and divorced twice. Lost the kids, the house and the super. So not going there again. With the internet the supply is endless, so why buy when you can rent.

Group 4: Single men who are not sexually active 

Carole asked: You’re not sexually active; can you tell me why? When did sexual activity cease? Would you consider having sex in the future?

Les 66: No I’m no longer interested in women. Women are too hard, and their expectations are unrealistic. I gave up on the opposite sex years ago. I used prostitutes for a while but decided to give them a miss as well. I don’t think I’ll ever be involved intimately with a woman again. My health is not wonderful now so I can’t see anyone decent wanting to take me on.

* * *

It would seem that there is conflict between the sexes at any age. The issues are just slightly different for the over 60s. Lack of romance, grudges from past events, lack of interest, aches and pains, temptation elsewhere, lack of fitness, weight issues, needing space, being traded for a younger model, multiple divorces, unrealistic expectations and of course health.

For me, I’m now extremely happy that I have a small close family that love and respect me, and a select group of devoted friends who think I’m a clever, caring woman. If a suitable and honest man turns up every now and then that‘s a bonus. But having a regular partner no longer defines me. Anyway… What man fantasises about a fling with a 70 year old woman?


Carole L. xxx

If you would like me to cover any particular topic in this column please email me at:
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Carole Lethbridge is the author of “Online Dating After Sixty: One woman’s journey of love, lust and losers”. She has been both married and single over the last few decades and she has done her own research, gathering extensive data on relationships between females and males, drawing on both for her book and column. Online Dating After Sixty is available for purchase for $21.50 via Booktopia.


Carole Lethbridge

  1. This is all very dispiriting. Surely there is someone out their who is really enjoying sex with a partner, not to get,things done, not to use and with so e empathy and respect for the other person. I hope this is not everyone..

    2 REPLY
    • B – Of course there are couples who are happy with their lot – many in this sample had relationship issues. x CaroleL

    • This is a very negative article. I am 63 and my partner is 66. We have very regular sex, sometimes 3 times a week and still enjoy it a lot

  2. I think this is sad as well, no one seems to be happy. I have been single for 6 years, was seeing a guy for about a year, but he had problems with my kids, money, drinking, you name it !! I’ve just turned 60 and think being alone is probably going to be my future. A bit sad, but how life is for us girls.

    2 REPLY
    • Lindy – This is when our close women friends are gold. x CaroleL

    • Lindy I am 66 and have been alone most of those last 6 years .. not dated at all in the last 2 years. Loneliness fades when you start to realise that you dont need a man in your life to be happy . Trust me … after plenty of On-line dating .. many coffee meets and many disappointments .. I’m not sorry to turn my back on it all. I tried a variety of Dating sites .. some free ones and some paid .. and paying for introductions does not garauntee you any better quality of men than you will find on the free sites. I probably met nicer people (some single men too) by being a Volunteer. A far better way to meet people, as you have something in common and can take the time to cement friendships and allow them to blossom in some cases. I’ve had some awful relationships and allowed my confidence to be undermined enough times to think that being alone is not lonely at all .. it is peaceful and stress free 😀

  3. Some of this is so sad…… is so wonderful, it is a shame to miss out…..we only live once. I hadn’t had a partner, so nothing for almost 4 years, now I have a “friend”……..some-one from years back…….we now have wonderful times……am losing a little weight slowly….out dancing regularly….life is fantastic………better sex than in my younger days………..don’t waste time people….find a suitable partner, whether married or not……..I don’t have long to go before reaching 70…………intend to make every day count…… to you all.

    3 REPLY
    • Suzannah – Great attitude go Suzannah. x CaroleL

    • Like the attitude Suzannah, life is for living, make the most of all the good bits. I am 74 and perhaps some of the wilder times have gone, but I never give up.

    • Yes Suzannah you are right sex is so wonderful When I was 59 my husband passed on and I was left in a big house by myself tried to find a man to be with or even just to have sex with but had no luck then I moved to a Park Home were I was invited into a group of 2 married couples 4 single men and 5 single woman every Friday and Saturday night we would get together were we would select one of the men for the night the one that missed out would get first pick on Saturday night after 2 years the number of men increased to 7 this was better because the men and woman were even the men looked after use woman more making use feel more secure in the park plus we can have a man when we feel like it on weekdays,use woman get together some days and discuss what the men do for use sexually and the things that they do around the flat fixing things ,this is the best time in my life should have done this years ago Brittany

      1 REPLY
      • Brittany you have the right idea when I can with out my husband knowing I go to a man friend and have sex at leased once a week witch is great I am 64 he is only 48 and gives me a big orgasm every time but I would love to have more than one man to do it with would like to be in your shoes and pick a different one each week like you do because I love lots of sex it keeps me excited to no a man wants me Tracey

  4. I can’t believe we are the only married couple in our 60s still enjoying sex. We have been married for 40 years, raised a family, make love at least weekly.

    1 REPLY
    • Toni – I’m sure there are many many like you. At least I hope there are. x CaroleL

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