Why do so many older men want to date younger women? 17



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It’s a well-known cliche and one that the vast majority of men don’t seem to have grown out of yet: older men love dating younger women.

If you’re a single woman in your sixties you’re probably all too familiar with this issue.

Many over-sixty women say it’s almost impossible to find a man around their age who is interested in starting a relationship with them – and there is plenty of data to back them up.

Numerous surveys by online dating companies have concluded that most men are primarily looking to partner up with younger women and would happily pass up the opportunity to date someone their own age if a more youthful option came along.

Why do so many men feel this way?

There are a number of theories around this issue and a few that raise their head time and time again.

When asked why they preferred to date younger women, most men came back to the same three reasons.

First, they say being with a younger women makes them feel like they’ve still got ‘it’. Many men find they begin to feel insecure within themselves as they age and for single men the feeling is reinforced by the breakdown of their marriage and changing family relationships.

For them, being with someone younger makes them feel proud, powerful and superior.

They usually have more money than their younger partner and thanks to having been around a lot longer they know more too and are able to impress them easily with their worldly knowledge.

Writing for Jezebel, Hugo Schwyzer says it’s less about sex and more about the feeling it gives them.

“‘It’ is the whole masculine package of youth, vitality, and, above all else, possibility. It’s not that women our own age are less attractive, it’s that they lack the culturally-based power to reassure our fragile, ageing egos that we are still hot and hip and filled with potential.

“Inspiring desire in women young enough to be our daughters becomes the most potent of all anti-ageing remedies, particularly when we can show off our much younger dates to our peers.

“The famous little red sports car reveals only the size of our bank account; attracting a girl barely out of her teens (or, if we’re in our fifties, barely out of her twenties) validates the enduring power of our youthful appeal.”

Second, he assumes all women is age are just like his ex.

When asked why they don’t want to date women their own age, a huge number of men said they thought all single women over 50 were pretty much the same.

They worry that women their age who have been through divorce will be bitter about their past relationships are more critical of their new ones.

As ridiculous as it sounds, they are painting everyone with the same brush and failing to understand that all women are different – no matter what their age.

When asked why he wanted to date younger women, Roger (surname withheld for privacy reasons) said he feels that younger women are more relaxed and open to having carefree fun together.

“She’s not itching to have a ring on her finger,” he told Match.com.

“She’s interested in the here and now, in going out, in having fun. It may sound like a cliché, but it’s reality. I’m not anti-marriage, I’m just anti-agenda. A younger woman seems more willing to let things take their natural course.”

Last, he’s going through a mid-life crisis.

It may be the biggest cliche of all, but many men who chase after younger women are quite possibly in the throws of a mid-life crisis.

Feeling like they’ve been tied down for too long, they look for a younger woman to bring back the feeling of youth they lost so long ago.

For them, dating a younger woman is like having a second chance at life and offers a chance to relive their youth and start again.

Whatever the reason, it posses quite the predicament for over-sixty women who are looking to start a relationship or even just date a man their own age.

Unless you’re lucky enough to meet someone socially, most women have to turn to online dating to find a partner and once there the pickings are often slim.

There are happier stories though. Many men and women in their sixties and beyond find each other later in life and forge strong and lasting relationships.

For women, it might just be a matter of sifting through the rubble before they find their diamond.

Why do you think older men like dating younger women? Have you had any experience in this area?

Starts at 60 Writers

The Starts at 60 writers team seek out interesting topics and write them especially for you.

  1. Thats spooky! Your picture on this article is the spit of my ex and his new wife, 38 years his junior. They’ve been married for 5 years now and no cracks are showing. I wouldn’t mind but his way of dumping me was very cruel, after a long marriage. I say good luck to them. Any bitterness or anger I feel is more about the way he did not, not so much what he did – the marriage was tired and boring for me too. I was unnecessarily humiliated. So, if older men are going to get a New Improved Version, please can they behave gracefully, respectfully and courteously. It makes everything so much easier for everyone.

    1 REPLY
    • Men can be so shallow in many ways.
      They do want to be loved & cared for as we all do……
      Mine walked out after 36 yrs & decided he wanted to live alone… He is too selfish & self indulgent to remarry.
      He only wants casual relationships with no real commitment & only with an independent woman….just a ‘bit of fun’
      What woman in her right mind would want to keep a man who has nothing. He said he had finally grown up & wanted to move on in his life. He is nearing 70. He tells me he is happy. He filed for a divorce as soon as he could. It was difficult splitting the financial assets after struggling most of our life together. We had just finished paying off our family home. He had been planning his departure for many years.. But was just coasting along with me in our marriage. I thought things were getting better & was looking forward to our years ahead together, living, & loving & growing & mutually supportive. But I was not really prepared for what eventuated… It’s been several years & I sill miss him at times…I grieve the loss of our potential life together & especially the companionship & comfort of what I thought was a ‘like minded’ soul ..thought we were soul mates… How life can surprises you… I’m still rebounding.. .

  2. I was widowed 5 years ago and recently tried online dating sites to ‘test the waters’. I had been married for 51 years to my soul mate so I am not looking for another ‘marriage’. But I do not want to be some old man’s nursemaid or trophy wife. I want a best friend and companion. But men my age want younger women it seems and any my age who do contact are either looking for a pot of gold from a rich widow or just looking for sex. Very disappointing all round.
    Some women like to feel as though they have ‘still got it’ too. What could be nicer than a slightly younger man thinking you are interesting enough to date !! Not going to happen !!

  3. I love this article – you basically give all the really good reasons for an older man dating a younger woman! So are you saying that an older woman would turn the down the chance for a relationship with a younger man who would make them feel like they still “had it,” and made them feel “proud, powerful and superior?” Women would want not to inspire desire in someone young who also happened to have a good bank account? Women don’t want a “second chance at life” and an opportunity to relive their youthful days? Give me a break! It’s all about opportunity and even though it is entirely not fair, men often have that opportunity. I guess 60 year old women would prefer to date paunchy, balding fat old men with health and sexual problems and relationship baggage. Yeah right!

    1 REPLY
  4. Great reading and very interesting. Can I just point out to all these young women that as the exciting older men age, they could become a liability if their health deteriorates or they get a disease that requires treatment. Having married an older man myself the gap at 48-59 widens as you age and you become a nurse and a purse.
    A lot of men in our age group are looking for exactly that.

    1 REPLY
    • I love the comment “you become the nurse and the purse”, I have to remember that…..very clever, but true.
      The older men want a trophy???? and the younger woman want the “pot of gold” and possibly kids, woohoo tied down again with nappies, bottles and sleepness nights, you’re welcome to it….no for me…..

  5. All is not lost 60+ ladies, my experience is that the younger guys want to date us older ladies.

    1 REPLY
    • Because you ‘old-prunes’are easier to conquer and you are more promiscuous than the younger women..

  6. Throes, not throws.

    He will have to have a bank account to attract a younger woman, she won’t be interested in a pensioner. He’ll also have to stay healthy or she’ll end up being a carer.

  7. A interesting article. The following comments from a 65 year old single bloke, never married and no relationships. I waited till late in life to try having a lady in my life… Due to having a weird brain or un-diagnosed Asperger’s or something I’ve always been happy with my own company. But I attempted to date ladies my age and always felt I was dating my grandmother… it’s shallow to think that way, and I should be shot, but that’s what I felt…. I’m an ‘older’ bloke and they may feel the same…. I assume a younger couple can grow older together and this issue doesn’t come up…. or does it…… ????

  8. For heaven’s sake, with a long-running marriage – 48 years and still going – under my belt I have no intention of ever seeking another relationship, no matter what happens or when. Give me my independence for God’s sake.

  9. HA hA I find that hilarious.. don’t these old men realise that the “younger woman” will only stick around as long as the money lasts. Noone in their right mind would think that the younger woman is after the old codger for his body!!! So funny…I feel sorry for the old guys.
    However, on the other hand and from an older female perspective … I have to go for guys younger than me by 10 years plus because men my age really just can’t keep up with me especially in bed and it makes me feel just fine to know I still ‘have it’ to attract younger guys. Money doesn’t come into it because I don’t have any !!!!

  10. Liked your comment Jan . I am that age hubby passed 18months ago . All by myself bit lonely at times. All those guys my age seem too old for me . If I hooked up with anyone he would have to be my age or younger. I can support myself no worries he would have to be special to connect with me .

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