I had to buy Depend undergarments for Mum, and I thought I better stock up for Christmas so I went to my local Chemist to buy more and I got quite a shock when I grabbed a pack off the shelf, it didn’t look right. I asked the girl what the deal was and she said a ten pack has now become an eight pack.
Great, and if that wasn’t bad enough they have also upped the price by $1.85. Obviously somebody with a proper functioning bladder made the decision to decrease the pack and increase the price. The cost of living in general is ridiculous – every week something I buy has either increased in price or it is the same price but the size of the pack has decreased, and it really pisses me off!
Two weeks before Christmas I went shopping armed with $350 worth of Target vouchers – I was excited but that feeling quickly died when I saw the amount of cars in the shopping centre car park and when I walked out of the lift and saw what looked like 5 million people all fighting their way around Christmas displays, I remember thinking “Bugger Christmas” and I turned to get back in the lift. I took two steps and knocked baby Jesus out of his crib! He went one way and his little foot went the other. I was mortified but I picked him up, brushed him off, blessed myself and put him back in the crib. I picked up his little foot and saw the stamp: Made in China. Well, that just pissed me off!
I made my way to Target and by the time I had spent $250 I’d had enough; my cranky pants were well and truly on, so I went to the 500 metre line up of irate shoppers waiting for the checkouts. The checkout chick was older than me – she was more of a check out boiler – she handed me a receipt that was 6 feet long and said you have $6.70 left on this voucher. I handed it back to her and said “Merry Christmas, you can have it” – I just did not want to ever enter that shopping centre again. She got all emotional. I said, “Get a grip woman, it’s not like I am giving you one of my kidneys!”. Now it’s been very nice chatting to you but I really need to go to the ladies room.
One would think there would be signs leading to the facilities or a yellow brick road or something, but no, and while fighting my way around I accidentally stepped on a bloke’s foot when I was going through the food court. He was extremely rude about it and proceeded to blurt out an impressive amount of naughty words. I was not about to discuss my bladder with him so I said “Mate, my apologies for stepping on your gigantic foot. Let’s hope Santa Claus brings you a dictionary because your vocabulary needs an overhaul!”. He kept carrying on but I walked off; I was on a mission. Then, the rude pig yelled two words at me so I turned to yell a couple back at him but I saw the sign for the ladies room was above his head –it shone like a beacon. I felt so relieved. I started pushing my trolley back at him and he actually looked a bit scared as I walked past him. I threw $2 on his table and told him to buy some breath freshener – some people piss me off!
I got a text message about a week before Christmas that said the sender was CBA. I remember thinking who the hell is CBA? So I opened it and to my delight it was from my bank: “Don’t spend any more money, your credit card is over the limit. Pay excess with your next bill”. There was no “Welcome to Christmas” message, no nothing so I sent a reply text saying, “Your lack of festive cheer in your text message really pissed me off!
This is the first time I have ever maxed out my credit card. In a strange, very weird kind of way I feel like I have achieved something. It was not planned and it’s not like it was something I had on my bucket list. I don’t even have a bucket list but I do however have a bucket! It’s aluminium and I have never felt the need to kick it, and hopefully it will be quite some time before I do.
On Monday the 22nd of December 2014, at approximately 5.20 p.m., I was taking recyclables out to the bin. I opened the side gate and something dropped on me. I could feel it on my neck and while jumping around like Bugs Bunny on cocaine, I tried to brush it off. It was the middle of a very long, very skinny snake! Its head was already in one of the weep holes in the brickwork of the house – I cannot even begin to explain that entire slippery encounter pissed me off!
On Christmas Day it was just Mum and myself at home. I thought I better make an effort so I made her a huge salad on a fancy plate. I had everything chopped up fine and made an effort with the presentation. It looked awesome; I should have taken a photo; I even had chicken turkey and ham on there. I gave it to her on her tray and she looked at it and said, “Oh my God, that looks terrific but I wouldn’t go to that much trouble, all that work would really piss me off!
Do any of the above things piss you off? What do you dislike most about shopping centres? Have you had any incidents like Christine? Tell us below.