What Pisses Me Off: Shopping centres and everything to do with them! 139

What pisses me off


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I had to buy Depend undergarments for Mum, and I thought I better stock up for Christmas so I went to my local Chemist to buy more and I got quite a shock when I grabbed a pack off the shelf, it didn’t look right. I asked the girl what the deal was and she said a ten pack has now become an eight pack.

Great, and if that wasn’t bad enough they have also upped the price by $1.85. Obviously somebody with a proper functioning bladder made the decision to decrease the pack and increase the price. The cost of living in general is ridiculous – every week something I buy has either increased in price or it is the same price but the size of the pack has decreased, and it really pisses me off!

Two weeks before Christmas I went shopping armed with $350 worth of Target vouchers – I was excited but that feeling quickly died when I saw the amount of cars in the shopping centre car park and when I walked out of the lift and saw what looked like 5 million people all fighting their way around Christmas displays, I remember thinking “Bugger Christmas” and I turned to get back in the lift. I took two steps and knocked baby Jesus out of his crib! He went one way and his little foot went the other. I was mortified but I picked him up, brushed him off, blessed myself and put him back in the crib. I picked up his little foot and saw the stamp: Made in China. Well, that just pissed me off!

I made my way to Target and by the time I had spent $250 I’d had enough; my cranky pants were well and truly on, so I went to the 500 metre line up of irate shoppers waiting for the checkouts. The checkout chick was older than me – she was more of a check out boiler – she handed me a receipt that was 6 feet long and said you have $6.70 left on this voucher. I handed it back to her and said “Merry Christmas, you can have it” – I just did not want to ever enter that shopping centre again. She got all emotional. I said, “Get a grip woman, it’s not like I am giving you one of my kidneys!”. Now it’s been very nice chatting to you but I really need to go to the ladies room.

One would think there would be signs leading to the facilities or a yellow brick road or something, but no, and while fighting my way around I accidentally stepped on a bloke’s foot when I was going through the food court. He was extremely rude about it and proceeded to blurt out an impressive amount of naughty words. I was not about to discuss my bladder with him so I said “Mate, my apologies for stepping on your gigantic foot. Let’s hope Santa Claus brings you a dictionary because your vocabulary needs an overhaul!”. He kept carrying on but I walked off; I was on a mission. Then, the rude pig yelled two words at me so I turned to yell a couple back at him but I saw the sign for the ladies room was above his head –it shone like a beacon. I felt so relieved. I started pushing my trolley back at him and he actually looked a bit scared as I walked past him. I threw $2 on his table and told him to buy some breath freshener – some people piss me off!

I got a text message about a week before Christmas that said the sender was CBA. I remember thinking who the hell is CBA? So I opened it and to my delight it was from my bank: “Don’t spend any more money, your credit card is over the limit. Pay excess with your next bill”. There was no “Welcome to Christmas” message, no nothing so I sent a reply text saying, “Your lack of festive cheer in your text message really pissed me off!

This is the first time I have ever maxed out my credit card. In a strange, very weird kind of way I feel like I have achieved something. It was not planned and it’s not like it was something I had on my bucket list. I don’t even have a bucket list but I do however have a bucket! It’s aluminium and I have never felt the need to kick it, and hopefully it will be quite some time before I do.

On Monday the 22nd of December 2014, at approximately 5.20 p.m., I was taking recyclables out to the bin. I opened the side gate and something dropped on me. I could feel it on my neck and while jumping around like Bugs Bunny on cocaine, I tried to brush it off. It was the middle of a very long, very skinny snake! Its head was already in one of the weep holes in the brickwork of the house – I cannot even begin to explain that entire slippery encounter pissed me off!

On Christmas Day it was just Mum and myself at home. I thought I better make an effort so I made her a huge salad on a fancy plate. I had everything chopped up fine and made an effort with the presentation. It looked awesome; I should have taken a photo; I even had chicken turkey and ham on there. I gave it to her on her tray and she looked at it and said, “Oh my God, that looks terrific but I wouldn’t go to that much trouble, all that work would really piss me off!

Do any of the above things piss you off? What do you dislike most about shopping centres? Have you had any incidents like Christine? Tell us below.

Christine Massey

I am a 61-year-old dysfunctional child of a problem mother. I tend to look at the world with the philosophy "Laugh hard, you could be dead tomorrow!"

  1. How about shopping centre parking lots full of Toorack Tractors with tow bars that are only used for reverse parking by women who should be on scooters

    1 REPLY
  2. It’s a wonder the girl at Target didn’t say “do you want to purchase a bag ” when you’ve just spent all that money there. To help with the environment. With every light possible on and excessive packaging. That really pisses me off.

  3. The term “pisses me off” irritates me.

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    • what pisses me of when I go shopping are screaming brats.. the parent just let them scream and do nothing about it.. I love the hype of Christmas shopping I always have done…

    • NONE of my friends use this word. It is gutter language. I loathe it !!!!!

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      • I agree,It is such a rude and common word usage. Surely there are other alternatives.!!

    • People who complain without even bothering to appreciate the most enjoyable essay PISS ME OFF and totally IRRITATE me! Bloody Hell – get real! lmao (means Laugh My ARSE Off).. LOL LOL LOL

    • We usually say “what pees me off…” But somehow it doesn’t have quite the same force of meaning as when someone says “what pisses me off”……

    • If you don’t like the language you know is going to be in the article, then don’t read it. Easy.

    • it doesn’t bother me at all , it is just every day Aussie slang..well done Christine…I use the term ticked off..same thing really

    • I agree, our language is getting so slack, if we let things like this become the norm, then everybody has to try a bit harder to shock us. That’s when we degenerate into bogans.

    • Christine is not paid for writing these articles, it is a free service, how dare you silly old people complain, I think she is brilliant and she provides us with a wonderful gift..laughter..if your not happy skip the article..you don’t have to read and whine

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      • I agree with you Leanna for goodness sake if I want to say it pisses me off like a lot of comments on this site does not make me a bogan or a gutter person it means I am being honest and at 70 who cares.

  4. hhaha I had to make a coffee before I sat and read that ..Christine always makes me laugh, and yes your right about it all Christine and just as funny as ever

  5. Your words sound as though they came out IOC my mouth. I agree with you all the way. Plus I have a sister named Christine and she would be the same. Look forward to hearing more.

  6. No I didn’t bother this year if I want something I get it anytime I don’t go near the shops at all.

  7. I thought I was the only woman in Australia that really, really doesn’t like shopping at any time let alone Christmas, it’s nightmare stuff …

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  8. Great sense of humour, Christine – I agree with your philosophy on life! Laughter really is the best medicine. And yes, shopping centres can sometimes be treks into the unknown or into the land of the irate, or downright mean and nasty. I wonder what sort of an effect a sincere “I’m really sorry you’re having such a bad day today” would have? I’m going to try it if it ever happens to me – throw the ball back into their court, so to speak. 🙂

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