What Pisses Me Off: Flowers, bad news, birds and food nazis! 58

What pisses me off


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Years ago, while walking around the bay taking photos of flowers and shrubs, a very dead looking leaf appeared at my feet. It was a succulent, grey in colour and very withered but strangely it had all new growth around the edges. The new growth was in the form of tiny pink very healthy looking flowers. In that tiny old leaf I could see the Circle of Life, it was telling me a big story the old dying while the new flourished. It fascinated me to the point of me bringing it home, planting it then unfortunately forgetting about it. It grew and initially it looked pretty but it kept growing and it wouldn’t stop and now that feral pain in the butt is everywhere. I have been pulling it out for years. I get it out of one section it then appears in another. I couldn’t kill it with a brick and it really pisses me off!

I hate it when people decide to hit me with bad news late at night, I get very wound up about whatever has been said. Once tiredness is setting in, I begin to overanalyse the most trivial of things. I am talking about things that I normally would not give a toss about; they can become a major issue once the sun goes down. I always try to process whatever has upset my delicate applecart before going to bed, but it never works, and once my head hits the pillow it’s like my brain says, “Game On”. I am suddenly wide awake and then every bit of drama that I have ever dealt with during my adult life comes to the forefront of my brain. I get desperate trying to switch off my thoughts. I try to meditate with no luck, I drop enough lavender oil on my pillow to knock out an elephant, still my brain will not stop instead it laughs at me. And as the morning light comes through my bedroom window, and I can hear the birds start singing and every muscle is aching and I suddenly feel like I could sleep for a week, but I have to get up and function. I quickly realise it’s not going to be a great day when my first thought is, “Shut up birds, you piss me off!”

I am not at all fond of food nazis – the ones that say I shouldn’t be eating sugar, I shouldn’t be eating salt, I have too much caffeine, I have too many carbs. Who the hell made them the food police to decide what I should and shouldn’t eat? Those people really piss me off!

If I am having a bad morning nothing beats hot chips with chicken gravy for lunch. I go from feeling like I am being dragged behind a rusty truck face down through the bush to waving a magic wand while sitting on the back of a rainbow farting unicorn. I do not see how food with such magical powers could possibly be bad for me! Carbs can also be beneficial while watching the very riveting show that is Home and Away, the tension will be building not knowing if Alf Stewart is going to make it to the next episode. I reach for a bag of chips to help keep my mind off the trauma of Alf’s dilemma, I would never count a food nazi as a friend. Especially if they are going to go on and on about how I should be eating mung beans, quinoa and chick peas. I do not need that degree of negativity in my life!

Tell us, do these things piss you off too?

Christine Massey

I am a 61-year-old dysfunctional child of a problem mother. I tend to look at the world with the philosophy "Laugh hard, you could be dead tomorrow!"

  1. Disrespect at our local Eisteddfod……auditorium etiquette has gone out the window…..whistles yahoos screams mobile phone and activity during a performance AND during adjudicators announcement…..television and football changing the cultural world……younger generation know clue if u put ure finger to ure lips to silence them….was called an old bag for my assistance

    2 REPLY
    • you were lucky to get them there in the first place, kids today have different tastes to what we did, plus there is a whole plethora of entertainment out there for them, we had little choice, we did not have xboxes and ipads and pay tv or the many other choices they have today..it is just a different times

    • I’m surprised that the organisers didn’t ban them as they do in other theatres. Blame the organisers for not making the rules clear.

  2. Great read Christine and yep the food Nazi’s piss me off too, my life , my body and my choice what I put into it..tell them to bugga off 🙂

  3. Agree! and the next person who advises me on an Exclude Everything diet for my chronic. illness ….. BAH, BAH

  4. What pisses me off is when you get a phone call from your telco or electricity supplier or your bank and they say
    “is that Ruth Hourigan I am speaking to”.
    You answer “yes it is”.
    They then preceed to ask you to identify yourself by providing your full name, date of birth, address, bra size, colour of your hair, what colour undies you are wearing, to prove who you are.
    I say,
    “You rang me”. “You should be giving me proof of who you are not the otger way around”.
    For some reason they get upset by this.
    Well, for all those companies who phone me on my private phone and then ask if it’s me they are speaking to, that’s all the info you’re getting out of me.

    7 REPLY
    • They ask me ” Is that Mrs. O’Keff fee”? I say nobody here by that name and hang up. My name is O’Keefe and it works for me

    • Agree with you Sue don’t give any info out over the phone I just usually say sorry can’t talk on my out and hang up.

    • My mum passed away 131/2 years ago and I still get organisations ringing up saying Mrs Whitmarsh and I say she passed away 131/2 yrs ago you would think after this amount of time they would update their contact information

    • As do I, Anne Webber. If I don’t recognise the number and no name or message – delete

    • Carmen a friend of mine kept getting letters from Telstra saying his Father owed 50c on his phone bill but he had passed away in the end my friend ending up sending the bill to the Cemetery never heard anymore Telstra don’t like losing a customer.

  5. Ushers at the theatre actually removed them after myself as chairperson had given microphone warnings for both the front rows and backstage noise…….adjudicator room a break until ushers did their job…it was major…..wonder what the parents school teachers

  6. Yes. Hail chips, sugar, fatty foods, Maccas, processed food , soft drinks, because they help rid the world of fools.

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