Ramblings of a lost and found soul
My belief in trust and honesty is forever lost;
Oh! It came at such a huge cost,
The colours of my world are not as bright;
I seem to have shrunk – I’ve lost my light.
I am with people, a big happy crowd;
I am alone in my bubble I float on a cloud.
They love me I know, they really do care;
I’m told my life is ahead, put one foot on the stair.
Follow with another step, hold onto the rail;
I try to be strong and composed, but I fail.
I am so afraid of what is going to be;
I cry my tears in private, so no one can see.
Fragile, I feel I will break into small bits;
impossible to put back together as nothing fits.
So I try so very hard to be normal and smile;
will I ever forgive the duplicity and guile?
No! For love and trust is not for sale;
it cannot be carried around in a dirty old pail.
It is inside you, alive and it can hurt;
especially when it’s torn out of you and thrown in the dirt.
They say hope is eternal but mine has died;
I look to my guardian angel to be my guide,
He has never left me, he is forever there;
inseparable as children, we were a troublesome pair.
I feel another has joined him to watch over me;
Father and son together, with love as their fee.
Together they are whispering messages hope;
trying so very hard to help me cope.
I talk to them at night, as I lay in my bed;
I had asked to join them, the time is not right, they said.
So I am here trying to rebuild a life;
I am on my own, no longer a wife.
Inside me, my heart weeps with every beat;
getting on with life, not accepting defeat.
I don’t know if I can do it, but for family I try;
I sit on the sidelines and watch life flow by.
I am that old lady walking down the street;
or sitting down to rest, alone on a seat.
We all pass her by and sometimes we think;
could that be me, is that my future? And then we blink.
No! Everyone thinks they know what their future holds;
I hope for them it goes to plan, as their life unfolds.
I would never wish for anyone to feel my pain;
it is always there, it will not go away, nor will it wane.
And so I get on with a life that is now mine;
my tears and grief inside a silent mime
Who am I? I am no longer whole, the real me I hide;
but the other me has a role, and I have my pride.
It is to grin and be happy, join in with the fun;
laughing and gay, as bright as the sun.
I get so much pleasure when I make others smile;
I want light, colour, happiness, I want me back, I want my style.
I hold my arms out to accept my new life with grace;
my small body stands tall and I turn to face.
A future so new, I just have to reach out and take hold;
of this new life as it passes by, I have to be bold.
I cannot change my past, but my future it is so new;
like waking in the morning and seeing the dew.
Which way do I go, what path do I choose;
there are so many possibilities I cannot lose.
Only positive words exist for me now;
I stand and face everyone, look them in the eye, and I bow.
For I know that I am beautiful, both inside and out;
I know who I am without a doubt.
I am a survivor, it has taken me this long;
to realise that there is somewhere I belong.
So I say in closing to my family and friends, I love you dearly;
you were there for me, you guided me and helped me see clearly.
Life is a wonderful gift, live to it’s fullest and try my best;
showing them all, I am back, laughing and loving, so full of zest.
It is my time now, taking charge, showing all who I am;
I can do what I want, when I want & how I want, no need for a man.
I am stronger than I thought I could ever be;
Independent, successful & happy, this is the new ME!
Share your thoughts below.
Thank you to Marie for sending this in.