Ramblings of a lost and found soul 5

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Ramblings of a lost and found soul

My belief in trust and honesty is forever lost;

Oh! It came at such a huge cost,

The colours of my world are not as bright;

I seem to have shrunk – I’ve lost my light.

I am with people, a big happy crowd;

I am alone in my bubble I float on a cloud.

They love me I know, they really do care;

I’m told my life is ahead, put one foot on the stair.

Follow with another step, hold onto the rail;

I try to be strong and composed, but I fail.

I am so afraid of what is going to be;

I cry my tears in private, so no one can see.

Fragile, I feel I will break into small bits;

impossible to put back together as nothing fits.

So I try so very hard to be normal and smile;

will I ever forgive the duplicity and guile?

No! For love and trust is not for sale;

it cannot be carried around in a dirty old pail.

It is inside you, alive and it can hurt;

especially when it’s torn out of you and thrown in the dirt.

They say hope is eternal but mine has died;

I look to my guardian angel to be my guide,

He has never left me, he is forever there;

inseparable as children, we were a troublesome pair.

I feel another has joined him to watch over me;

Father and son together, with love as their fee.

Together they are whispering messages hope;

trying so very hard to help me cope.

I talk to them at night, as I lay in my bed;

I had asked to join them, the time is not right, they said.

So I am here trying to rebuild a life;

I am on my own, no longer a wife.

Inside me, my heart weeps with every beat;

getting on with life, not accepting defeat.

I don’t know if I can do it, but for family I try;

I sit on the sidelines and watch life flow by.

I am that old lady walking down the street;

or sitting down to rest, alone on a seat.

We all pass her by and sometimes we think;

could that be me, is that my future? And then we blink.

No! Everyone thinks they know what their future holds;

I hope for them it goes to plan, as their life unfolds.

I would never wish for anyone to feel my pain;

it is always there, it will not go away, nor will it wane.

And so I get on with a life that is now mine;

my tears and grief inside a silent mime

Who am I? I am no longer whole, the real me I hide;

but the other me has a role, and I have my pride.

It is to grin and be happy, join in with the fun;

laughing and gay, as bright as the sun.

I get so much pleasure when I make others smile;

I want light, colour, happiness, I want me back, I want my style.

I hold my arms out to accept my new life with grace;

my small body stands tall and I turn to face.

A future so new, I just have to reach out and take hold;

of this new life as it passes by, I have to be bold.

I cannot change my past, but my future it is so new;

like waking in the morning and seeing the dew.

Which way do I go, what path do I choose;

there are so many possibilities I cannot lose.

Only positive words exist for me now;

I stand and face everyone, look them in the eye, and I bow.

For I know that I am beautiful, both inside and out;

I know who I am without a doubt.

I am a survivor, it has taken me this long;

to realise that there is somewhere I belong.

So I say in closing to my family and friends, I love you dearly;

you were there for me, you guided me and helped me see clearly.

Life is a wonderful gift, live to it’s fullest and try my best;

showing them all, I am back, laughing and loving, so full of zest.

It is my time now, taking charge, showing all who I am;

I can do what I want, when I want & how I want, no need for a man.

I am stronger than I thought I could ever be;

Independent, successful & happy, this is the new ME!

Share your thoughts below.

Thank you to Marie for sending this in.

Guest Contributor

  1. Marie, you have just given hope and courage to those who are going through tough time in their life. Please have faith 🙏🏼 and I Thk you for sharing your pain with us👍

  2. Marie your gift with words in this poem is very evocative and touching,and your greatest gift is finding your beautiful Soul,thank you for sharing this with us✨

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