Let’s be honest, how many of you are totally present and in the moment during love making? Isn’t it amazing how suddenly the mind begins to get busy, starts to recall the day…focus on that damned to do list…starts to plan or worry about the future or fantasise about a totally different experience…
Sometimes the thoughts become even more intense as we think of possible fears, insecurities, past experiences, distractions and the inner monologue becomes incessant and louder.
With such a busy mind not only are we not present, engaged and focused during love making, we are aloof, distant, disengaged and simply going through the motions. There is no LOVE in that; no wonder it doesn’t feel pleasurable or for some can take a while to orgasm or really get into it.
So, what is Mindful Love Making?
Mindful Love Making is the ability to focus on the sensations occurring in the present moment. Mindful love making means following moment to moment movements and changes in the body. It means being connected, being in flow and experiencing the power of the very moment with a still mind and an awareness of being in the now and in your body.
There are so many benefits of Mindful Love Making:
- Offers you greater pleasure
- Greater connection with your partner
- Greater pleasure to your partner
- Because the mind is connected to the body it will help the body open and be stimulated. This especially applies to women as the brain sends a signal to our sex organs to open, however if the mind is distracted or busy this process becomes difficult.
- If, in your mind, you are focusing on a stressful thought, you will release stressful hormones, putting your body into a fight/flight stress mode and not a pleasure mode. By focusing on the experience, fully, you experience the physical benefits of sex including hormonal balance, stress release and emotional wellbeing.
So here are 7 easy ways to practice Mindful Love Making:
- Focus on the point of connection
Focus your attention on the place where your two body parts connect, feel the tingling activation of your senses and bring your awareness to those sensations. Follow the sensations around your body. If your mind gets distracted or begins to wonder, bring your point of focus back to the space of physical connection. Remember mindfulness is the practice of returning the mind to the present moment. It is about constant adjustment which means the mind veers off on its own path and we have the ability to bring the mind back to the power of now.
- Focus on the movements and your moment to moment bodily changes
Just as explained in the first point, bring your awareness to the feelings in your body. Focus on your movements as they begin to build in your body. By focusing your mind and paying specific attention and focus here will intensify the body experience.
- Focus on the feelings in your body
Focus deeper on the feelings in your body. How is your heart opening, how are your bodies connected? Do you feel like one unit? Notice the warmth in the body.
- Focus on how your partner feels
Focus on your partner’s body parts. How do they feel? How is their body on you or you on them? Connect with their energy if you can and notice how that feels. Again, it is important to keep the mind in a state of observation and noticing. This means observing and noting the feelings without creating a story. (“Oh…he is really erect…he really loves me,” is an example of creating meaning on an observation)
- Focus on your breath and stay connected and in flow of breathing together
The best way to train and settle a busy monkey mind is to focus your attention on your breath. Our breath is our self-regulator and instantly brings the body into a calm yet aware state of nowness. Focus on your inhale and exhale breath. Feel your breath moving through your body.
- Focus on your heart centre and create an invisible link between your heart and your partner’s heart and keep that link connected. Imagine an energy transference between your hearts. Feel the giving energy and feel the receiving energy. Visualise a figure eight coming out of your heart centre extending to your partner and then returning back to you. This is a beautiful and sacred exercise that will create a deep energetic bond.
- Look into each other’s eyes (Yes, this one means having sex with the lights on or at least some nice and bright candlesJ) Notice the details in your partners eyes and what they are communicating. Observe this space in a detached, non-judgmental state. This means not worrying about what they are thinking or not letting your mind create a story about what you see; simply observe and note the details.
Practicing mindful love making allows you to return to the sacred union of sex and instead of it being a duty, an obligation, a burden or a pain, sex becomes a powerful platform for growth, connection, spiritual development and deep unconditional love!
Enjoy, and if you have any other ideas or ways to practice Mindful Love Making please share in the comments below.