5 first date mistakes to avoid 13



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Whether you’re looking for romance or platonic companionship, the first date can always be a little uncomfortable, even stressful! Even if you date frequently, meeting someone new can be challenging for all of us.

As a general rule of thumb, the simplest way to avoid saying anything embarrassing or inappropriate on a first date is to install a mental, five-second, time delay mechanism in your head, similar to what live television uses to avoid airing expletives. If your date asks you a tough question or makes a challenging comment, that’s the time to engage your time delay mechanism. You need to consider what you say on a first date if you hope to have a second.

Now, with that in mind, here are five first date mistakes to avoid:

1. Avoid appearing desperate

“I know this sounds crazy, but I think I’m falling in love with you”, is guarantied to make your first date with this person your last, because yes, you will appear desperate and crazy. This has actually happened to a few men and women friends, and all of them reacted similarly. Desperate declarations are deal killers. While it’s wonderful to feel excited about someone you met, to suggest a virtually impossible emotional connection is a red flag to all but the desperate. Your time delay mechanism will prevent you from making irrational statements like this.


2. Don’t suggest risky behavior

Suggesting to your boomer date, “Let’s go back to my place and make love”, after knowing him or her for an hour or less, isn’t just crazy, it’s potentially dangerous. And while free love may be reminiscent of the 1960s, it’s totally unacceptable behaviour today. A salient point to consider is that if your date agrees to have sex with you, you’ll likely find yourself in more trouble than you bargained for. Casual sex is not new millennium Boomer dating etiquette.


3. Don’t be combative

Informing a woman on a first date after opening the car door for her, “I won’t be doing this again because the sexes are equal now,” emphasises the importance of the time delay mechanism. Being a gentleman has nothing to do with women’s equality. It’s simply a gesture of respect. Boomer women appreciate manners and want to feel feminine. Dating isn’t supposed to be a gender power struggle, so don’t make it one. Engage your time delay mechanism.


4. Don’t ambush your date

Planting a surprise kiss on a first date’s lips isn’t even cool if you’re George Clooney or Angelina Jolie. A first kiss is a sweet moment that occurs naturally when a man and a woman look at each other in a manner that suggests a kiss is mutually desired. It’s a memorable moment that couples remember for years. While most people enjoy a pleasant surprise, no one enjoys feeling ambushed.


5. You can’t buy love

Making a show of paying the bill for coffee, and adding, “All future lunches and dinners are on me”, isn’t endearing, it’s showing off, and worse, it looks like you’re trying to buy a relationship. In the beginning at least, sharing the bill or taking turns paying, makes sense. In that way, no one feels taken for granted or obligated. Once a relationship has developed, a conversation regarding paying for dinners, etc., is appropriate. A successful first date requires balance, not bravado.    

Here is a final tip: Don’t over think being cool – just be you.

Don’t try to impress because you won’t be able to maintain that level of behaviour. Treat your first date in the same manner you’d like to be treated. Relax and enjoy your first date. It’s supposed to be fun!

This article was provided by our friends at Stitch. To read more stories, you can visit them at Stitch.net.


What are your first date tips? What was your best date and your worst? Share your stories below.


Guest Contributor

  1. Suggest a lunch meetup, and take a Grandchild with you as chaperone!Sorts the sheep from the goats straight up!

  2. And don’t tell your life history to a stranger u may never see again , I would hate to date a guy who spends the whole time telling you what a rotten deal he got off his x

  3. To the guest contributor
    There is a more fundamental issue, and that is managing your expectations. Firstly there are expectations around paying money for the ability to actually contact people; then there are the expectations generated by reviewing a profile and sending or accepting the first smile/ kiss/ or similar; then the increasing expectations with the first email, following emails, the first phone call, following phone calls, and then the first meeting. The emotional commitment around expectations is continually increasing. Unfortunately, while online dating is probably the only real option for meeting someone with the potential to become a friend or partner, expectations can be dashed at any point. Online dating is underpinned by trust – trust that the other people are honest. To often the driver for disappointment is that too many people are not honest – untrue statements in their profile, out of date photographs, etc… And if you’re anyone other than a sociopath the emotions around those expectations are very draining. So anyone going online needs to manage the expectations generated, and be prepared for disappointments, and be prepared to take a break while you recover your emotional state. But don’t give up.

  4. You don’t have to impress > Just be yourself > Ask questions > Listen > Comprehend > Absorb > Be self-deprecating as you use some humour (if appropriate) or give constructive feedback > Ask questions….(you’re in a nice loop) 🙂

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