A couple of old cockies, Bob and Jack, were heading off to spend a weekend booked into a posh city hotel. At the last moment, Jack couldn’t go so Bob went on his own.
Checking in late in the evening, he headed straight into the dining room where he saw hors d’oeuvres on the menu. When the waiter returned, Bob ordered “Some of them horse’s doovers…”
Isn’t it amazing what these fancy chefs cook up nowadays?
They were somewhat different to what he expected but thoroughly enjoyable. The waiter returned and asked Bob if he’d like something more, “Soup, perhaps, Sir?” Bob was a bit tired. It was late, so no, he headed up to room 508 to go to bed.
Later in the night, a nurse arrived to give the old Colonel in room 608 an enema. Tired, she got her floors mixed up and, well, Bob got something he never expected.
A couple of days later, back home in his little country town, he met his mate Jack.
“How was the Big Smoke, mate?” asked Jack.
“Aw, pretty good, I s’pose. Reckon you might head in there yourself?”
“Yeah, reckon I might. Why?”
“Jeez, mate,” came the reply, “be careful when you book into one o’ them posh hotels. If you have a meal there, and they ask you to have soup, have it. If you don’t, they’ve got a strange way to make sure you get it!”
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really annoyed.
She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I want to see a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 100 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.