Too much time and not enough friends…

Friendship and free time are two of life’s little joys, but what happens when you find that you have too little of one and too much of the other in retirement, right when you thought everything would be a little more perfect that it is…

My aunt’s sixty-first year was terribly confronting for her.  Her husband died of a rather sudden, and traumatic version of cancer, at the age of 58, before they had even got to “retire”.  They’d had the most wonderful dreams for their retirement of moving to the beach and taking up a job as an “apartment manager” couple.

They had planned to buy some management rights and enjoy the sunshine, selling up their city retail outlet the year before he passed, and heading off to seek out the perfect set of management rights.  But it was never to be.  Instead, with the cancer setting their plans, they lived for 9 months in Sydney in a rental unit, with him in and out of hospitals and chemo.  Then, after he died, she moved to the only place she had family in Australia, Townsville.  But it was all new being alone in a city where her roots were few.  The house was a little big, life was a little empty and lifelong friends were a long way away, dispersed all over Australia’s east coast.

She struggled on for three years, almost completely alone until she started to make some tough decisions.  She only had her church group to help her find company and entertainment.    Then one week, when she had come away with our family we watched her mindset change.

Aunty Sally decided that things could not go on like this any more.  She was alone, lonely and despairing the fact that her own choices might have got her to a place where her only friends were not an active part of her everyday life.  She hadn’t made new friends in years, and she had very little to look forward to other than getting up and going to her two-day per week job and Church social events.

How could she change up her life, the way she lived and find new friends, all in one action and perhaps bring herself closer to those who she counted as her best friends?   She didn’t want to live in another house where she had to hire a handyman to do many of the tougher jobs around the place.  And she didn’t want to buy an apartment only to have to sell it again and lose money in five or ten years.  Her only son lived in London, so she couldn’t exactly lean on him for much help and goodness knew if he would ever come back.

This was a move with a lot of hope and expectations on it. A retirement village seemed the logical choice.

She had a small nest egg tucked away from her partner’s insurance, which provided for the purchase of what is traditionally called an “independent living unit” – really just a nice two bedroom house in an AVEO retirement village at Ashmore.  At the end of a cul-de-sac, her chosen unit looked over the water, with an extraordinary view and a private, peaceful outlook.  She was to be less than an hour away from two of her lifelong best friends, one who lives in Ipswich, outside Brisbane and one on the Gold Coast.  But what really got her excited was the way the village stepped into the space in her life.  It was like a dream listening to her talk about it last week when we popped in to visit.

The community centre astounded her, and all of us.  There was a large pool, a gym room, aqua aerobics, a health centre with a visiting physio, a bowling green, a large BBQ area and two pool tables.  But that’s not all.  This was an active community, largely because they wanted to be, and for Sally, there was always something to join in with, even in the early days there.  There was bridge nights, trivia nights, ladies lunches, and gardening sessions.  They had a book-club run by two of the ladies who were avid readers, and they regularly swapped books as well as used the Village library.  She tells us the story of how a number of the single ladies, widowed or divorced even formed a group last year and went on a trip overseas to see Italy in the Summer, something that Sally says she never would have the courage to do on her own, but they are talking about another trip this Christmas.

Looking at her six months into the move, she has spark, and do you know what I think it is… the companionship from these newfound friends, the fun, and the activity that she had deleted from her life without her husband that has come from living in a place where people want to get out there and seize the day.

Have you found that a retirement village helped you to enjoy life more and find new friends? What has been the best thing about moving into a retirement village for you? Share your stories in the comments below… 

This article is sponsored by Aveo retirement villages. For more information on your lifestyle options take a look at the Aveo website or call 13 28 36.