The funniest Dad jokes on earth

Sep 01, 2019

Need to freshen up your material for the Grandkids so you can really inspire an eye-roll from the pre-teens and teenagers?   We have the best of the best Dad jokes here today for your study-needs.  Got some to add?  Leave them below.

Our Wedding Day

Q. Our wedding was so beautiful …

A. Even the cake was in tiers.


Cat Fire

Q.  Dad, can you put the cat out?

A.  I didn’t know it was on fire.


Graveyard comforts

Q.  This graveyard looks overcrowded.

A.  People must be dying to get in there.


Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A. Frostbite



Q. I hate jokes about German sausages.

A. They’re the wurst.


The Months of the Year

Q. Can February March?

A. No, but April May


The Ocean Floor

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A. A nervous wreck.


In History

Q. I’m reading a book on the history of glue.

A. I just can’t seem to put it down.


Grape Juice

Q. What did the grape do when he got stepped on?

A. He let out a little wine.



Q. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.

A.  It’s a total rip-off.


The Bike

Q.  Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?

A.  It was two tired.


Construction Workers

Q.  Want to hear a joke about construction?

A.  I’m still working on it.



Q.  What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

A.  Nacho Cheese.


The Moon

Q.  Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

A.  Great food, no atmosphere.


Paper Joke

Q.  Want to hear a joke about paper?

A.  Never mind it’s tearable.


Beavers on TV

Q.  I just watched a program about beavers.

A.  It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.


Penguin Homes

Q.  How does a penguin build it’s house?

A.  Igloos it together.


Haircut Time

Q.  Dad, did you get a haircut?

A.  No I got them all cut.



Q.  What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

A.  Carlos.



Q.  Why did the scarecrow win an award?

A.  Because he was outstanding in his field.


Skeletons Joke

Q.  Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

A.  Because they have no body to go with.



Q.  I’ll call you later.

A.  Don’t call me later, call me Dad.



Q.  Whenever the cashier at the supermarket asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag

A.  He replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”



Q.  What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

A.  Roberto.


Stick it to you

Q.  What’s brown and sticky?

A.  A stick.


Gun Range

Q.  I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

A.  I decided to give it a shot!



Q.  Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

A.  It’s fine, he woke up.


Recycling Shop

Q.  I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

A.  It was sole destroying.



Q.  A furniture store keeps calling me.

A.  All I wanted was one night stand.



Q.  I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

A.  I’m just doing it for kicks.

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