Fillin in form’s…and the Intaweb

The following phrases were supplied by a former member

of PETA (Primary English Teachers’ Association)

I am afrade of form’s.

I carnt rite propa form’s.

There kool wite orthoritee.

Cole-lipt and dissaproovin.

Dornts me.

It difeets me .

Me hand folters and me mind.

I carnt go on – I carnt

That cole-eye clark he will not help.

Hez larfin at me.

Fil in. be damd.

Me ayes rove.

Theirs no excape for me.

Ile try agen.

I ate the carbon sort.

Cos onse ya rit.

It carnt be change.

Its their fore ever.

With orl them modern ortotelas.

Wy carnt we get a ATM wot rites ya ansers for ya.

Is it two mucta arksk?

AT FIRST GLANCE these phrases are rather amusing to read…or are they simply a terrible indictment of our schooling system?

The above quotes are real-world examples found on government education department forms. Not only does our education system need a through make-over, but we shall increasingly have to contend with such awful mangling of the English language as the Internet provides a voice for everyone.

But government-mandated education will not solve this problem for the vast majority of people.

A democratic voice for everyone is a wonderful concept, but this is simply not the case with the Internet. Democracy is all well and good, especially when it provides access to the world for those without a formal education. However, there seems to be no monitoring of what goes online. Few websites have rules that govern the type of ‘wordage’ that instantly goes live at a horrifying rate.

For example, there is a huge number of people who want to shock viewers and, naturally, use all the worst kinds of language because everyone wants to get noticed.

The vast majority of writing on the web is by people wanting to give their advice or opinion. The following movie review is fairly typical of those published on the Internet Movie DataBase (IMDB), where many movie buffs search for information on their hobby. This is a review of the movie Vehicle 19:

I actually enjoyed the movie. It gave you well the insecurity about being a foreigner in South – Africa. If all bad things happen to you, how to out of this mess, in a foreign country. The characters are a bit shallow, but then this is just a simple story.

Without being a great movie, it isn’t, it kept me well entertained. yes there are plot holes, but on the hole, you are always wondering what is going to be next.

I would have even given it a 7, if the end was not disappointing, and it seemed, that it was rushed into. Many questions about Paul Walker’s character stay unanswered, and you feel like something is missing. A bit more explanation. Not that it matter that much, as you not NEED to know to understand his motifs.

Obviously this was written by someone for whom English is not their first language – and therein lies one of the major problems. English is the global language of finance…and also of the Internet. Without many years of education most people cannot write dialectically, let alone convey the exact meaning intended. I have seen many of these reviews written entirely in lower case, and most punctuation is either missing or misused – particularly apostrophes.

There are many great pieces of software coding to attempt to solve this problem. Babelfish was the first website to offer translation of one language to another. Unfortunately, this type of engineering is still in its infancy.

Another similar attempt at using computing power to translate a message is voice recognition. Just ask anyone with an iPhone 4 or 5 if ‘Siri’ is adept at translating human speech. It’s still so bad that it is often lampooned in comedies.

The Internet is becoming all-encompassing for many teens who spend more time online than they do talking to others. Their texting skills (SMS) are amazing – but their grammar is equally appalling.

Many think that English is evolving, but I contend that it is devolving. Yes, there are more words in English than before, and far more than in prior history. That’s a terrible over-simplification. There are more useless and ephemeral words than ever before. Take ‘Brangelina’ for example – this won’t be around for long and it’s just laziness on the part of the user. The main reason for more words in the lexicon is science – the number of new specialist terms is multiplying rapidly, as are the new and deeper scientific studies that spawn them.

Another problem with so many words is that no one could ever learn them all. Even polyglots (those who can speak many languages) will struggle with such verbal fecundity.

What’s your opinion?

image: Amarand Agasi