TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson discovers he’s getting old – in hilarious fashion

The whole getting older thing has come as a bit of a shock to bombastic English TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson, if his description of his latest family holiday is anything to go by.

As someone who’s well known for his love of a beer or 10 and who only recently gave up smoking after a bout of pneumonia, you’d think the 58-year-old former Top Gear presenter might’ve noticed his hangovers becoming increasingly difficult to shake off over the years but apparently not.

It took a bout of body surfing in Sri Lanka to realise he was no longer 19, as he hilariously describes in a column for The Sun. (He does admit to drinking approximately 15 bottles of the “punishing local beer” before sustaining his first injury, and the Instagram image is from the holiday described – make of that what you will!)

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmc7aO1nQh0/?taken-by=jeremyclarkson1

Having downed said lagers, Clarkson ran into the sea and dived into a wave. “I’m not sure exactly what happened next but my head was concertinaed into my shoulders and my left arm felt like it had followed the example of my swimming shorts. And come off,” he describes, no doubt as shocked at the time as the various sunbathing onlookers.

Clearly unable to heave himself onto a wave with body alone, his daughter suggested he try a bodyboard. To no avail. (The Instagram image below appears to have been taken just before the following events occurred …)

https://www.instagram.com/p/BmTIktHnVbj/?taken-by=jeremyclarkson1

“As the wave approached, I leaped on to the board which, because I’m a bit fat, sank immediately to the sea bed, which is where I lay as the wave removed my trunks again. And my other arm,” Clarkson says. “It’s so sad. I don’t feel old but my body is too heavy and too brittle these days to cash the cheques my inner 19-year-old is writing.”

So, onto croquet, which he believed required the same amount of effort as “being dead” – until he threw his back out. Then he tried cycling, but found he couldn’t actually make it up a hill, nor could his tailbone take the punishment of the bike seat, so he end up pushing the bike more than he rode it.

“We are told when we are pushing 60 that we need to become active, that we need to face the coming of the night with fresh air in our lungs and a bit of sweat on our forehead,” Clarkson concludes. “But this is impossible. Which is why I’m glad to be back at home, writing this. Because when I’m sitting at a laptop with a mug of tea, there are no reminders at all that I’m getting old.”

That said, he comforts himself that he still knows how to do some things just like a 19 year old, and do them very well. “I can still get drunk and fall over and stay up late. And what’s more, I like doing these things.”

Do you identify with his experiences? Or should he push on through the pain in order to get fitter?