Worried daughter forced to cut off elderly mother’s huge charity donations

Watching an elderly relative’s spending get out of hand is a problem many people will have experienced, and speaking to them about it or stopping it when it gets out of control can be difficult.

Now one worried daughter has revealed she was forced to cut off her mother’s excessive charity donations as she could no longer afford to keep them up – but it led to a close friend and neighbour blocking all communication.

Writing for the Washington Post‘s Ask Amy advice column, the woman said her and her husband manage her 88-year-old mother’s finances following her father’s death.

However, she wrote: “She began to donate to dozens of charities, beyond what she could afford. Anyone that solicited her typically got a donation. In some cases, there were recurring donations coming from her checking account that she didn’t even remember setting up.”

Having no choice but to take action, the couple asked her to choose one charity that meant the most to her, before cutting off funds to the others – but it led to a fall-out with her close friend “Mary”, who has continuously persuaded her mother to donate to her church group.

Describing how Mary has always helped out with small errands for her mum, the woman said they’ve made it clear over the years how thankful they are – both verbally and with gifts. But, it seems, it wasn’t enough when the donations stopped.

“Mary called me furious that the recurring donation had been shut off,” she wrote. “She said that she would no longer help my mother, because we were so ‘ungrateful.’

“She seemed to view the donations as payment for her helping out. We told her that our mother picked the charity of her choice, and it was not personal.”

It ended up upsetting her mother, who she’s now discovered has begun to pay “Mary” out of her own allowance every month, to mend the friendship.

“Amy” advised the internet user to be open and honest, and suggested speaking about paying Mary a small wage instead for her time with her mother – who clearly values her companionship.

“Mary wasn’t too shy about confronting you directly when your mother’s donation was cut off. You should follow her lead and be very open and honest about Mary’s choice in terms of monetising her relationship with your mother,” she added.

Have you experienced this with an elderly relative? Do you think she did the right thing, or should the elderly mother be allowed to spend as she wishes?