Relationships

‘My husband, 72, wants to move in together after 20 years living apart’

Sep 19, 2018

A wife explained that she was feeling depressed after her husband of 20 years suggested they finally move in together after spending their entire marriage apart. Source: Getty (Stock image used)

While most couples move in together when they get married, it’s not the case for all relationships. In fact, there are a number of different reasons why couples don’t always choose to move in together right away. For many, living apart becomes a normal and healthy part of their relationship.

Now, one woman has sparked debate after taking to grandparenting forum Gransnet to reveal she’s been married to her husband for two decades – but they’ve never actually lived in the same house together.

The woman detailed how her 72-year-old husband had worked away from home for the duration of their marriage and as a result, they’ve both lived in separate houses. While they would spend weekends together and socialise at his house, they never lived with each other full-time. With her husband’s retirement fast approaching, he’s suggested they both sell their separate houses and move in together. For the wife, it’s left her confused and unsure if she’s ready to make the commitment.

“The trouble is, we have never lived together and I am not sure I want to start now,” she wrote. “I am used to my own space and after a few days together I think we were both happy to get back to our own lives.”

To add to her stresses, she claimed her husband wants to spend a big chunk of the equity on his house on a boat, meaning they would have to move into a smaller home.

“I am torn between what I suppose I should do (agree to move in together as we are getting on a bit) and facing the fact that the thought makes me feel very depressed,” she added.

The husband told the wife the pair couldn’t afford to keep both homes going, even after 20 years of marriage. It sparked a mixed response from other grandparents who were quick to offer their support and advice for the woman.

One person wrote: “So he wants to sell his house and buy himself a boat and you sell your house which you are happy in and you both squeeze into something smaller which is going to make you ‘feel very depressed’. Hmmmm there’s not a lot in that arrangement for you. My philosophy has always been when in doubt don’t.”

Another said: “It sounds as though you need to start speaking up, tell him what you want, if you don’t want a boat then tell him! Tell him you want a house with lots of room so that you can live together without being on top of each other. You are supposed to be in a partnership don’t let him walk all over you, Speak Up!”

A third comment read: “Get talking fast before things go where you don’t want to, you really sound very uncertain. As you think you were both happy to return to your own homes do talk to him about this.”

The woman later replied to all the people who left her comments, which appeared to only fuel her confusion even further.

“I do find myself feeling very claustrophobic after a few days in the same house,” she confessed. “I know this decision will be ‘forever’ as we won’t be able to change things again.”