I’m not dead yet, stop talking about my savings

Maureen was so happy when her children came home for the summer holidays. She had not seen them for more than

Maureen was so happy when her children came home for the summer holidays. She had not seen them for more than a year. But her excitement turned sour when the kids started to talk about what they would do with their inheritance. Maureen felt hurt because she never expected any of her kids to be “eyeing on” her savings.

“Inheritance? I’m not dead yet, stop talking about my savings,” said Maureen to her two sons.

They were startled with Maureen’s response and could not understand why their mother was upset.

“Tom and Ryan said that one day, everything that I owned would eventually be theirs anyway. Even if I called it savings, if anything happened to me, whatever I would have saved would become their inheritance,” said Maureen.

She thinks her sons were insensitive and had no right to talk about her savings and how she intended to use it. Besides, in those days, no child would ever dare to start calculating the money they hadn’t been allocated.

“I deserve every single cent and I will decide how I want to use it. Maybe I will use it for my retirement home, maybe I want to travel the world. It will be up to me. We’ve worked so hard to bring them up and pay for everything and now it is our time,” she said.

But Maureen isn’t the only one whose kids wait around for their inheritance.

study of 2,000 adults found that a fifth of children aged over 20 are relying on their parents’ wealth to secure their financial futures.

But 49 per cent of parents aged 50 and over have already used some of their savings to get by.

Four in 10 parents have already been giving their children handouts to help them with college fees, driving lessons and rental support.

The study shows that 68 per cent of people expect to inherit their parent’s house when they pass away, while 32 per cent think they’ll get the car.

But 67 per cent are convinced they’ll receive cash, and 54 per cent aren’t making any financial plans for a comfortable retirement.

A fifth of those polled are counting on their parents’ inheritance to help them get out of debt, while the same percentage hope they’ll finally be able to step foot on the property ladder.

A quarter of people aged 20 to 35 hope they’ll be able to pay off the mortgage with some inheritance, and 15 per cent are banking on having it to put their own children through university.

Paying off student and car loans, helping their own children with a house or car and holidays are just some of the other ways kids plan to spend their inheritance.

Some even depend on parents to help them fund their business startup. For example, Ellen’s son wanted to start his own cafe business but needed a big loan from his parents to make it happen.

Ellen said, “He called me last night and asked me if he can borrow some money. He knows I have the money, we’ve been transparent about how much we have so I can’t really lie to him.”

“What he needs is pretty much 40% of what I have. He says that he will pay me back within 5 months when the business picks up,” said Ellen.

But writers at Natter at 60 quickly advised Ellen to carefully think about her choices.

Barbara said, “It’s always difficult to make these decisions. It doesn’t matter often how hard a family member works, how much energy they put into the business things can go wrong.”

“Draw up legal contracts particularly if you have other kids to clarify the money is owed to your estate if it doesn’t get repaid,” added Barbara.

Robyn said, “You have saved the money you have for a reason and it might be what you need to secure your future.”

Some say that it’s best to give the kids their “inheritance” earlier so they can go on and live their own lives without touching what’s left for parents while some believe that an inheritance is an “initiative sucker.

There is really no end to this debate. As long there is a chuck of savings, some not all, kids will always view it as their inheritance.

Is it fair for kids to assume that they will inherit everything? Do you think kids talking planning on how to use our savings is insensitive?

  1. Mary Adsett  

    Yeah…. I know the Feeling of dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t… When a child asks for help not long just after my receiving an Inheritance that will make my/your own life easier because you have your own needs in uncertain future as in the evolving in/of the rising costs of a rental property to live in , medical and food and clothing, Bills that arrive and all these have to be paid…the Inheritance has and will be used as a boost the pension that was sagging into the danger zone without it. The inheritance .. That has been dipped into by your own child that while making the plea of help and also promised to pay back the loan … That recently got Married and before that had already put a deposit on her and her husbands future home…. I know i have not been able to be play a big part in/of her life for many years as she has lived with her father and the woman who replaced me not long after i had left and then shot through with to another state … While i was busy taking care of my elderly parents… till they passed on … hence the inheritance… that was split 5 ways with/to all of their children ….As it should have been… I did not watch over them all of those years just to get extra favours regarding the estate on the passing of my Parents …. I did keep in touch with my Daughter also over all those same years after my x had shot through …. So we do still have a rapport and my Daughters plea for help is maybe just one way for me to give her help into her own future…. My own future is ?????

  2. Susan Burdock  

    Yes, know the feeling, I have one who gets angry when I spend money.. A new kitchen was his last target..

    • Jude Power  

      That is outrageous! I hope you’re leaving him nothing in your will

    • K Waldegrave  

      That is as close as one gets to elder abuse without actually being abusive.

  3. Your money , do want you want , but be careful . you need money to live your life in a comfortable state….Think if the boot was on the other foot would they look after you….

    • not likely and it is only one who decides who gets what after parents have died, if they cannot get their hands on the money now they will steel it from you in other ways, How do know about this is that in most families I know there is the family kleptomaniac, who has learnt at an early age how to lie to their parents and get away with it. Just mention to them that the money I have is mine as I have earned it so why don’t you do the same.

  4. Sue  

    What inheritance? Don’t have any super, rent our home, on a pension, so not much left to save after paying the bills. Own my car (10 years old now – purchased new). Don’t go on many weekends away/holidays. Don’t drink alcohol or gamble. Spend a max of $60 on fuel approximately every 4 weeks. Keep the car well-maintained – serviced every six months, and don’t hoon around trying to be the first off at the lights, heavy braking, drive to the road and weather conditions, keep to the speed limit, even though some wish I didn’t.

  5. Rob  

    I am living how I want to live on MY money. If there is anything left over the kids can divvy it up between them. Fortunately they are all independently well off. We brought them up to be frugal, have a good work ethic and expect nothing for nothing. I am not spending an inheritance. I am spending what I earned and have every right to enjoy. Just goes to show that the younger generation want it all now and don’t give a fig about their parents.l they are the selfish generation

  6. Jan Foley  

    I worked for what I have until I retired at 70. It is my hard earned money and I will use it to look after myself. I don’t have a lot of cash but own my own home and everything in it and own my car? If there is any left over when I die, my daughters will get it. In the meantime they are working and earning and saving , hopefully better than I did. Today there is so much greed and selfishness, and kids expect it all handed to them on a silver platter. You don’t work to leave your kids an inheritance.

  7. K Waldegrave  

    I guess we reap what we sew. Their values are largely shaped by ours. If it was good enough for them not to have a faith community in which to raise them, then the community which was left around them as they grew was the one we set them on their way from.
    Without beating ourselves about the head we need to remember that the behaviour of those who are one day to inherit can be various. We need to take care that it is not abusive of us. I know of a situation where the husband dies leaving a son as trustee of his will – his wife thinks he has looked after her by leaving her in a freehold home till her death. But, dear son works out that as a trustee he can sell the family home and put dear mother in an old folks home. He needs the money now to prop up his own business and it seems a solution for him. Be warned! our children can behave like wolves in sheep’s clothing.

  8. Jeannette  

    It is not the kids inheritance – they didn’t work and earned what you have!! – unless they did they are not entitled to once cent. Go on holidays trips and have the best of everything – and don’t feel bad about it – it’s your money – The kids of today have this sense of entitlement – which is wrong– they are selfish, money, and materialistic focused. I say go out and earn your own money and way in life like we did. Shame on all of you who are waiting on your parents to die–so as you can greedily take what the slaved for all of these years.

    • Mel  

      Depends. Did you inherit any of your wealth from your parents? Many people, even those at retirement age, inherited some wealth from their parents. My father inherited his house from his grandmother – I would hope that at least a portion of that was passed down to me.

      Any inheritance is not earned wealth, and should not be treated as if it came to you through the sweat of your brow.

  9. Very insensitive, they think and treat it as winning Lotto, you’re right out of there mind.

  10. Your money is yours and yours only, your children have no right to expect it, if there’s any left for the estate it’s a bonus. Children who think it’s their right have no respect for the parents or appreciation for what their parents have done for them,
    Everyone works very hard to build a nest egg for a comfortable retirement so spend it how YOU want and enjoy every moment

  11. annie wright  

    I know for a fact that if I was in need, one of my daughters in law would not have me in the house, she has already told me outright that I will never live there. Not sure if I could get on with the other one, we are both redheads, and she sure has a temper. As for my sons, one is financially secure, the other has always looked to me for support, and as far as I’m concerned he has had all he is entitled to, yet HE is the son who talks about inheritance. There will be none for either of them if I have my way, I’ll spend what I have saved, and enjoy spending it. In fact, a girl I helped many years ago, may be the one to benefit in the end, she and her two daughters are much more apreciative of me than either of my kids

    • Christine Taylor  

      Just be very careful how you word your will so that those you don’t want to inherit can’t contest the will. I am in the same position and will be providing for two of my grandchildren who I am raising. The others don’t care about me or them so my will will be written with the help of a good solicitor so there are no arguments. As the law stands you cannot exclude someone from your immediate family from inheriting without good reason.

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