‘I can’t match the other grandma’s spending on our unborn grandchild’

It’s not uncommon to see rivalries between grandparents over anything from spending time with grandkids, to different levels of discipline in the household. But what happens when one grandmother can afford to treat their grandchild to more than the other?

That’s the tricky situation one grandmother-to-be has found herself in, as her son prepares to welcome his first child with his girlfriend.

Taking to grandparenting forum Gransnet, the woman branded her son’s mother-in-law “overbearing” and claimed she’s worried she’ll never be able to match her wealth when it comes to buying presents for their grandchild once he or she is born.

She explained the pregnancy came as a huge shock to the whole family, as her son and his partner had been suffering a rocky patch in their relationship at the time – sparking a rivalry between the two grandmothers.

“Her [son’s girlfriend’s] mother sent me a hurtful message about my son, I didn’t respond. When they told us about the baby, they told her parents first, my son was suddenly a wonderful person again,” she began.

“Her mother has become overbearing already and it seems she has been desperate to be a grandmother. She seems to be buying everything she can lay her hands on.”

While the gran said the other grandmother confirmed she would be buying the pram, she was told she could buy the cot for the tiny tot.

“I would have liked them to use the beautiful cot we have lovingly kept since having our children but without even being seen the [girlfriend] has rejected it,” she added. “So we are to purchase a cot, having just discovered how much her parents have spent on the pram I am struggling to see how we can make an equal contribution.”

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The worried Gransnet user concluded: “I know it’s not all about the money but I am slightly fearful about how things are going to pan out due to her mother being a bit overbearing and having way too much time on her hands.”

Her concerns were met with a fairly mixed response from other grandparents, with some claiming she’s being too competitive and to focus instead on being a loving grandma.

“You sound really competitive and petty. Your cot from when your kids were born is likely a death trap by today’s standards – the mother is correct in not even seeing it and saying no,” one wrote. “The other [grandma] bought a stroller ffs. I’m sure you can find something else to buy for the baby. If the other grandma is favoured over you, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Another added: “You are finding out the facts of being a grandparent – the girl is having the baby and her parents will be favoured in many or all things. As the parents of the baby’s father you will always come second – that’s been my experience anyway. So you may as well get used to it.”

The gran hit back at some of the comments, writing: “Jeez what a bunch of awful people you are. That’s the first and last time I will use this forum. I’m not being competitive and not sure why we are secondary grandparents. You seem to forget I am a mother and I always made sure that neither my parents nor my husband’s parents were favoured. You nasty people.”

However, others sympathised with her worries with one writing: “Try not to worry about the other family. It’s natural your son’s partner will turn to her own Mum, don’t let it worry you. We find our grandchildren have enough love for all their grandparents. I’m sure yours will too.”

What do you think? Have you struggled with a similar issue with another grandparent? Do you feel in competition at all?

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